Five on Friday: Lost in Translation

We just returned from a lovely vacation in the Dominican Republic where I had the chance to dust off my rusty grasp on the Spanish language. I am aware that sometimes I said things like, "It seems like construction new buildings" and my gracious driver answered me without snickering.

Likewise, I never snickered at any of the native Spanish speakers who spoke English to us.  (Okay fine I laughed a little at the show host who said, "What the help?" instead of "What the hell" but that's because it was funny.)

However, I got a real kick out of the signs with funny translations. Maybe you will, too . . . enjoy:

1.

Pasa means raisin.
It also is a conjugated form of the verb "pasar," which can sometimes mean "happen" 

2.

Nobody wants a bad vacarions.

3.

I can't even try to explain this one.

4. 

Or this one either, honestly.

5. 

But I do know that if you need an Emergency Bottom,
my husband will be happy to oblige.

Five on Friday: Wonderful Water

Our next Story Slam is coming up on July 26th. Last month I had my story written a solid three weeks in advance . . . this time I'm having trouble narrowing down my topic. Right now it's a toss up between the following five potential choices:

1. My first time trying to sail a little Sunfish sail boat in Maine with a girl I met there who was also from New Jersey . . . including the hilarity that ensued when our Dads had to "save" us.

2.  Giving birth in a tub. Spoiler: still hurt like hell. Oh and also, this---

They ask you to buy one of these and bring it along.

3. The time I jumped in a pond in February to save my two-year-old.

4. A brief history of our circa 1787 house and the role the water sources here have played. 

(Say you're a history nerd without saying you're a history nerd . . . )

5. Reservoir memories.

Five on Friday: Summer Bucket List

Our 14-year-old has had a giant illustrated poster of her summer bucket list since March. The other day I asked our 16-year-old what was on his list and he really wasn't sure. I was kind of surprised but then when he asked, "What about you?" . . . I realized I didn't have anything either.

Well that's not true. I had one item: drive Giacomo the Vespa somewhere for an overnight trip but I actually did that already a couple of weeks ago.

There must be something else I want to do, right? 

Of course there is. Like:

1. A second overnight trip on Giacomo.

Why not?

2. Get back to my summer diet of fancy salads and seasonal cocktails).

3. More of this:

(inside our spring house)

4. Visit the Black Shed.

5. Plan & take a family vacation with all seven of us. (I mostly want to do the "taking" part but somebody has to plan it. Chop, chop.)

Five on Friday: This Summer Was Brought to You by the Letter

. . . as it was made up of:

1. Sports

2. Surgery

3. Sightseeing

4. Story Slams:

5. Salads & Soft Serve

. . . but now it's September. Sigh.

Five on Friday: Win-Win (Win-Win-Win)

It's no secret that I've been needing a break from the home kids lately. (Remember my last post? It hadn't gotten much better since then.) 

I think the combination of summer + a lull in the sports (as much as they make our schedule crazy, they did occupy the kids) + typical teenage disrespect x 3 teens + our son's surgery making it so he can't drive or participate in much all added up to my husband taking them aside and saying, "You guys do realize that Mommy is losing it, right?"

So their trip to Cape Cod with their Aunt & Uncle really could not have come at a better time. It wasn't just a win for me, it was a win all around, providing:

1. A MUCH needed break from the daily demands of parenting three teens (see above).

2. The opportunity for my husband and I to get away for the weekend without them.

What did we do when we were kid-free? Visit our other kids, of course!

It was really nice having a visit with our adult kids, just us adults. We got to have dinner and drinks with them without anyone rolling their eyes at me or telling me how cringey I am. They used manners!

Also, we were able to go to the museum where our oldest daughter gives tours (something that the younger kids would have complained about and ruined for me). She was wonderful and I got to hear her coworkers gush about how amazing she is. It was lovely.

3. We had ice cream for dinner. I had a lovely impromptu birthday party for a friend. I got a nice ride in on the practically neglected Vespa.

4. In the meantime, the kids had a lovely vacation without us, enjoying the beach, kayaking, fishing, mini-golfing, shopping, a shark conservancy visit, a pedicure and lots of dessert.

5. But wait, what do Aunt & Uncle get out of all this? Time with the kids who were surely much nicer to them than they are to me and their father. Our son even cooked on more than one occasion (boot and all).

And that, my friends, is what I call a win-win-win-win-win.

Five on Friday: Weekly Theme Summer

Do you want to know how adorable I used to be? Ten plus summers ago, I'd plan out stuff like this:

Not only that, but the kids would do it all . . . without complaint . . . and enjoy it. 

The current teenage residents really just want to be on their screens or maybe go to the mall. They think that I (& my ideas) are all super cringey so it's hard to imagine weekly theme summers now. 

Unless, of course, I completely adapted them. I'm creative! I am sure I could think of PLENTY of weekly themes for my 13, 15 and 17-year-olds at home. I'm sure they will LOVE participating in:

1. Charm School or Who Taught These Children Manners Because They Did a Bad Job Week: Focus will be on using the manners with your parents that we know you use for other adults 

2. SPORTS WEEK! Just kidding, the sports never freaking end over here. But know what goes along with sports week life?

Nothing says "summer evening" like a soccer game, amirite?

2. Appointment Week! More forms for the doctor to fill out for more sports? LOVE IT. Let's make sure to get some specialists in, too: orthopedist, chiropractor . . . could we be so lucky to add surgeon to the list??? Anything is possible in appointment week!

3. Humor Your Parents Week: I don't care how boring or cringey our suggestions are: family walk/hike/bike ride? Connect Four? MUSEUMS? It's ON, baby. Without complaint.

4.  Fuck Around & Find Out Week: in which they continue to disregard my polite requests so the consequences are jacked up. Our motto is: "Confiscating cell phones is just the beginning."

5. DIY Week, also entitled: Ask Not What Your Mother Can Do For You Week: During this week, nobody is allowed to ask Mom for anything. Not a meal, not the location of their own belongings, not a ride. They are also most certainly not allowed to text Mom at work with a question when Dad is at home with them.

Five on Friday: Summer Begins

School's out and I'm overwhelmed by the schedule. Seriously. I've signed the athletes up for so many summer trainings, leagues and camps that I don't even know if any of the dates conflict. They kept throwing links at me and I kept entering my credit card number and I'm just kissing it up to god. I've given up. Succumbed to incessant sports that obey no typical seasons. 

We got back from a weekend away (sports-related, natch) and jumped right into the first full week of no school--which meant basketball camp, weight room training and summer soccer league games. It's totally crazy, but it does keep the boys active and busy . . . now to figure how to keep younger sister occupied (but maybe at not quite the same frenzied pace).

In the meantime, here's how our very early summer is going so far (aside from the athletic insanity):

1. Yes, our weekend getaway was because our boys were both competing in the New Balance Nationals Outdoor Track Meet. Yes, that was quite an honor for them, yes we are really very proud of them both and yes, it was nice to have a mini-vacation with just two out of five kids. But do you know what else was really nice and something we're only able to take advantage of recently? Ditching the kids, even while away, and doing stuff without them.

While the boys were hanging with their friends in the hot sun waiting the eight hours (!!) between events, Daddy-O and I snuck out to a museum that they would have complained about being dragged to anyway.

2. Speaking of getting away without the people you love the most, I've got overnight plans with a friend tomorrow night and I am very much looking forward to it. There will be a pride parade, henna, two museums (take that, kids!) and meals I don't cook.

3. Deer ticks! So many deer ticks. So much time spent trying to determine if you actually have always had a freckle near your toe or does that thing have minuscule legs? Was that a random tickle or was that bug crawling on you? It makes summer fun!

4. Watching a mama bear amble across the yard while two adorable cubs scramble down from the cherry tree* to follow her also makes summer fun as well as infinitely cuter . . . as long as the watching takes place from a safe distance away. Being in between mama bear and said cubs would end up putting a real damper on . . . well, life probably.

5. Lastly and most importantly is that I am the proud inventor of a new summer diet craze! It's called the "I just want an interesting salad and a cocktail for every dinner and I'm a grown-ass woman so that's what I'll have" plan. 

I'm off to a strong start.

Also on my plan this is called potato salad.
You're welcome.

*Postscript: The bears may be a common scene this summer! After that first sighting, they returned yesterday while I was at work. My husband, working from home, literally took his laptop out on the roof so he could continue working while watching mama and two cubs 35-40' up in the tree eating cherries, play fighting, hanging out and napping in our cherry tree for hours.

Five on Friday: Summer Crunch Time

Check these off the bucket list (completed in the last seven weeks approximately ten days):

1. Bowling:

Let it be known that this one time I beat my super athletes at a sport.

2. Beach:

3. 16-year-old finally started his "summer" job (August 10th)

4. Home family* swim and frog-catching extravaganza:

*As opposed to "whole" family since the oldest two are now alleged adults who don't live with us anymore. I guess we could get these little guys to take their places.

5. Forced family-friend fun! 

Don't be fooled, they only cooperated for this picture under the threat of no ice cream.

Five on Friday: Camp Communication

What's the best part of sleep-away camp? Is it learning new skills? Making lifelong friends? Or is it the letters you get from your family and they get from you?

This year, I'm going with the latter. Some winners from the past two weeks, sent in both directions:

1. Letters from our girl written on the first day . . . the top one sent to us, the bottom one sent to her friend.

"Hey fam . . . the food is good"
"Hi Sam . . . the food was kinda bad . . . but the lemonade was fantastic"

2. Me: Write a letter to your sister.

16-year-old: Fine. I'm going to send her some of Zipper's hair.

Me: Great, I have a little baggie you can use, just write a letter already.

The letter:

Me: How did you start to address it to yourself??
Him: I don't know but I already spent all that time making the dots around the edge so I wasn't going to start again.

3. A modern option: Campgrams! We could write emails that would be printed out and delivered to her. Her 20-year-old brother never disappoints:

4. Her 14-year-old brother also sent one in which he bragged about how much time he was getting with the dog without her and lied and told her that he's been sleeping in her bed. He is the only sibling to get a letter in the mail from her in which she said "Get out of my bed."

5. Last letter home:

Five on Friday: Advice for Sleep-Away Camp

After never having attended sleep-away camp, two summers of no day camp and a last-minute COVID exposure scare . . .  our youngest is OFF for a very long two weeks away in upstate New York.

Luckily she's with three good pals from home, who we took the ride up to the Adirondacks with (and two moms, in two cars). In the last leg of the ride, the Mom I was riding with felt the need to come up with as much advice as possible. I began laughing and taking notes . . . now I need to send her a thank you for basically writing this week's post for me.

1. Mom: Let's see, let's see, what do I need to advise you on? Let's review the four choking foods. They are hot dogs, carrots, grapes and . . . I forget. 

2. Mom: Speaking of food--please, please remember to eat protein at every meal.

12-year-old daughter:  . . . that's what she said.

Mom: HONEY! That is not even the right context!

3. Daughter (to my daughter): I'm going to teach you how to gamble.

Mom: Did you remember to pack the deck of cards?

4. Mom: Do you remember how to make shadow animals with the flashlight?

Daughter: Why . . .  is that a requirement?

 
5. Mom: (after a story about her own camp experience) So my advice is, if you pee on a bench, get creative.

BONUS:

At the last gas station stop mere miles from camp, one of the girls from the other car asked to take her Mom's picture with her Instax (it's like a Polaroid but you don't have to shake it!). She said she'd like to have it at camp.

Mom that I was riding with: (to her daughter) Do you want my picture, too?

Her daughter: (immediately) No.

My daughter was suspiciously non-committal about it, so we took two. After resisting the urge to shake them, I snuck them in the girls' bags.

Five on Friday: One Week of Summer

First a little recap . . . 

SUMMER 2020

Big kids aka alleged adults: no jobs

Little kids: no camp

Parents: virtual work

Some travel (to a family beach cottage where we could remain secluded but just . . . elsewhere) and outdoor playdates (wherein I felt like I had to constantly break the kids up from play-wrestling and hugging which were activities that clearly could not happen six feet apart).

SUMMER 2021

Basically the same but with at least some of us vaccinated, doing things like going out to get ice cream or letting friends step into the house to use the bathroom or get a drink felt more possible.

SUMMER 2022

Everything opening back up coincides with changes to our family since the kids are older and in different life stages now. 

Alleged adults: not even living here (!)

Little kids: can hardly be referred to as the little kids anymore. Only one of them is still shorter than me and it's just by a hair. Our youngest son is a rising freshman which means he's booked pretty solid with summer workouts and practices at the High School with his older brother (who will also hopefully be kept busy with a part-time job and behind-the-wheel driving practice though I'll admit I'm more excited by the former than the latter). Youngest has some day camps and a TWO-WEEK sleep-away camp later this summer.

Parents: working and more freedom to take walks and bike rides together and go out socially without having to worry about who's watching the kids.

To summarize, this summer is more normal, but it's a new normal for our changing family. Here's a recap of our first full week:

1. Work for me is less virtual than ever and (lucky, lucky, LUCKY me) includes opportunities to connect with community in so many different ways (and venues!)

Monthly Story Slam at Scout's with yours truly as a host

Back to packing the museum with folks for interesting lectures!

2. This guy might be going to High School in the fall but he still loves babying this ridiculous dog and now he has more time to do it.

I think she likes it.

3. Back to the basics of good old-fashioned summers means eating outside, pool parties with friends and lots of time for card games. 

4. House full of kids on a rainy day felt like the kind of summer day that we've loved for years, including: bracelet-making, video-game playing, cookie baking, shenanigans, chicken-butt competition truce and so many laughs. "New normal" version of this perfect day means they're all old enough to figure out what they want to do on their own, clean up after themselves (with reminders), get along without needing me to break up any fights. Sometimes I really like the new normal.

5. Speaking of summer shenanigans! Actual footage of me pushing my way ahead of my child (okay I say child, and he is, but I would like to remind you he is much bigger and stronger than me and I did ask him to protect me) to get into the house after we (okay, I) threw a rock at one or more raccoons in the garbage can. 

Meanwhile, our older son--who I'd like to inform you is afraid of lady bugs--came home and tried to befriend it. He'd like to make it a pet. Maybe I should be encouraging him to get those driving hours in so he can drive himself for rabies shots.

Five on Friday: Giacomo the Vespa? I'm Glad You Asked!

Nobody:

Me: Oh! You’re wondering about my Vespa because I haven’t said a single word about him or posted any pictures on instagram in so, so long? I am so sorry. Let me oblige you!

After a strong start to the season, riding (unfortunately) became a little sporadic. With a big family to cart around, there are only so many opportunities in any given week for me to choose Giacomo the Vespa as my mode of transportation as opposed to say, John Stamos the Toyota or Overkill Jones the Ford.

Then we had a stretch where on the days that I could ride but then there were so many thunderstorms. Then we went on vacation, then they oil and chipped the road (which would be terrible to ride on) and then came the woeful day my husband said “holy shit I didn’t realize just how bald the tires had gotten, don’t drive that.”

But now!!! 

Reunited . . . and it feels so good!

Back on, baby! Here are some Giacomo experiences I wanted to share:

1. Earlier this summer, someone told me she had been considering getting a moped for her daughter but had some concerns. "Are drivers around here assholes?" she asked, wondering if car drivers do mean/dumb/scary things to those of us on two dainty wheels.

"They're really not,"  I said, " . . . but sometimes motorcyclists don't give me the wave, the special little motorcycle wave that they give to each other!" 

I was indignant. Everyone laughed that that was my biggest worry about other drivers . . . then I had to laugh, too.

2. Speaking of "the wave" . . . I find myself wanting to wave at anyone driving any sort of vehicle, two wheels or four, that seems like it's something really special and fun to them (think antique convertibles, that sort of thing) like Giacomo is to me. Frequently I do. They are probably confused.

3. I forgot how much I love when little kids tell me things like, "I wike your pink motow-cycle."

4. Ditto: how much I love watching how many people slow down, in vehicle or on foot, to admire Giacomo and his stickers. Sometimes they take pictures.

5. While I might not have posted much of him on Instagram lately, he did make a cameo on my favorite local coffeeshop's story recently! Reaching local legend status, for sure.