1. 13-year-old daughter: "I really didn't expect to like this dinner but it was actually pretty good."
2. Me: "You need to finish your summer math packet for school."
15-year-old son: "No I don't."
3. Me: "Come in with me to pick out the compression stocking the surgeon said you need to wear."
17-year-old son: "Ew. Ew ew ew. Oh my god. NO. Mom. WHY."
(Fine, he didn't actually say this but his expression conveyed the message loud and clear.)
4. 13-year-old daughter: "OH MY GOD MOM. You are FLIRTING SO MUCH with the waiter." (She then demonstrated what my alleged flirtatious behavior looked like by what I can only describe as having some sort of eyelid seizure.)
5. Remember when I said there'd be a "fuck around and find out" week this summer? Guess what? That week is here! The phones, gaming controllers, television remote and even the computer mouse(!) were confiscated and I wouldn't tell them what chores needed to be done to get these items back.
In my defense, I've been trying to get them to figure out what needs to be done without me telling them and they have been failing. Also:
|"There is literally nothing else to do around here," |
said the 15-year-old when the kitchen looked something like this.