Five on Friday: Big Month for The Local History Nerd

Whoever could that nerd be? Spoiler: it's me!

Friday snuck up on me this week and that means you're getting a short, sweet, pic-heavy list today. Why did Friday sneak up on me so hard? It's like asking why it takes me multiple days to answer messages, friends, and it's the same answer: I'M BUSY. I keep trying to say I feel more busy than usual but that's a lie, "more busy" is, at this point, clearly my usual.

I have noticed a distinct theme to what has been occupying me lately, aside from some very exciting soccer playoff games (not even being sarcastic, we've had some real nail-biters!) and that theme revolves around being a local history nerd. 

For example:

1. I was honored to give  a presentation to the local 7th graders on the concept of forced assimilation at Indian Residential Schools:

2. I've been able to support local historical sites with both work and play by:

    a. Volunteering in the ticket booth at for a "haunted mill" fundraiser. Bonus: some of those 7th grade boys stopped by to say hello. One of them said, "Thank you for giving the presentation at our school."

    b. Attending a murder mystery birthday party/fundraiser at a local historical house:

3.  Becoming more involved with (read: going from "I'll help with emails" to somehow finding myself a member of the Board of) a non-profit volunteer group that meets socially once a month and supports the aforementioned historic mill. I adore being in this group and not just because I'm the youngest by decades (or maybe because I do like it, in the sense that I really value intergenerational friendships . . . but I digress) and plan on sharing more about my experiences with them in an upcoming post. Stay tuned.

4. So many little excursions to solve local history mysteries! Or have fun trying, anyway.

5. Last (not really but for this Five on Friday purposes) but most certainly not least, my work partner and I are extremely honored, excited, pleased, stressed and overwhelmed to be presenting for the State Historical Commission's Annual Conference next weekend! Yes, we've known about this honor for months and you can bet we will dazzle our audience. But right now we're in freak-out mode and every spare moment I can find (ha ha ha ha ha) will be spent working on this presentation. It's virtual so if you, too, are a history nerd, local or otherwise, you should check this out:

Registration is open for the 2021 Virtual New Jersey History Conference, We’re Still Here: Indigenous History and Persistence in New Jersey. Join us on November 12-13, 2021 as we explore the history, cultural heritage, and contemporary issues facing diverse Native American communities. To register and learn more, please visit: https://bit.ly/3bLvQvD

Five on Friday: How Easy Community Service Projects for MLK or Any Day

I realize it's probably too late for you to plan an event for Monday. But if you've never hosted an MLK Day of Service before, this might not be the best year to start. (Believe me, the pandemic has really complicated hosting an event that normally fills a church hall.)

The great thing about serving the community is that you can actually do it any time, not only on the third Monday of January. Not only that, but you can do it from the comfort of your own home! No church hall full of people needed.

You don't even need a lot of time or money.

Like Martin Luther King said, you only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.

Here are five free or very inexpensive projects you could do on your own this year or at your very first publicly hosted MLK Day of Service next year:

1. Coloring Meals on Wheels bags: this has been a standard for us every single year since we first started in my dining room eighteen years ago. Check with your local Meals on Wheels office, ours has particular bags to use and guidelines for coloring. (Another great coloring option is Color-A-Smile. It's an organization that collects and distributes drawings to residents of Nursing Home, Troops overseas, and anyone in need of a smile. For coloring pages and more information, please visit ColorASmile.org

2.  Host a Donation Drive: I've actually been doing this seasonally for the local food pantry for the past year. I find out what the food pantry's current specific request are and then I post on Facebook to ask my friends to drop things off in a box on my porch. Et voila! 

*Make sure you ask the organization you're trying to help what they need first, sometimes their answers might surprise you. You could also help an animal shelter (they frequently need old sheets and towels), the United Way (our local one needs diapers frequently) or Women's Shelters (feminine care products can be expensive!)

3. Write a letter! Letters to Strangers is a global youth-run non-profit seeking to destigmatize mental illness and increase access to treatment. For guidelines and instructions, visit LettersToStrangers.org

4. Valentines for Veterans: Using simple craft supplies at home, make valentines and mail them to a VA hospital.

5. Assemble Toiletry Sets for a Shelter: This is a newer project for us and is brilliant in its simplicity. I solicit donations (via social media and public drop boxes) of sample and travel size toiletries. People tend to have a bathroom drawer full of them that they are happy to share. 

Sort the donations into small plastic bags (shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion, etc) We donate these to a shelter that has showers for folks to use but can't provide personal care products for everyone.

 

 

Five on Friday: How to Host a Successful Day of Service

Last year started like any other for us like it always does, with me falling asleep long before the stroke of midnight followed by a cold month with two beloved annual events: visiting the kids’ Great Grandmother for her birthday and then the Annual Martin Luther King Day of Service that I organize.

This event, which started in my dining room, is now so big we reach capacity at the church hall where it is held. Participants come from all over the county and beyond because there aren't many other public days of service around. This prompted me to plan a workshop on how to host a successful day of community service so that others could start them in their own towns.

Then Covid happened.

You can guess how this ended.

Since I never got to hold that workshop, I thought I would at least share my unofficial steps to hosting a successful day of service. (Later I may post real tips, but for now I leave you with this tongue-in-cheek checklist.)

1. Late January: Realize that if I got started earlier next time, maybe I wouldn’t have that crunch time freakout. Write well-thought out reminders and tasks on the calendar, starting in October and adequately spaced out.

2. Early October: Have first reminder pop up. Push snooze. Repeat in late October when the reminder comes back up. Push delete this time.

3. Mid-November: Begin to feel overwhelmed by the impending holidays combined with the thought of planning a day of service even though I literally broke it down into very easy-to-do tasks for myself, some of them literally being as easy as “email so-and-so.”

4. Late December: Commence the real freakout*.

(*this year compounded by "how the hell do I do ^this remotely??")

5. Mid January: Somehow* manage to pull off another successful event. Pat myself on the back. Realize that if I got started earlier next time, maybe I wouldn’t have that crunch time freak out. Write well-thought out reminders and tasks on the calendar, starting in October and adequately spaced out.

*Full disclosure: that "somehow" is made up of many generous donors who fund the event, my co-organizer Mom, my family for dealing with boxes of supplies that take over the house and for helping me sort and move them, the church that I don't even go to letting me use their space, volunteers who help purchase supplies, set up the room, direct traffic, run tables, deliver projects, host bake sales, set up screen printing stations, clean up the room and MORE!!  I absolutely COULD NOT do this without the strength of an entire community behind me.  Hey, I should hold a workshop to teach people how to get to started with this . . .

 

Five on Friday: Advice from a Pacifist Passivist

The last week or two have been hard for an optimist. Well, the last three months have been, really, but the last week or two have taken the cake. Because when you’re an optimist and activist and have two Black boys with ever-increasing height and deepening voices . . . it’s hard to be hopeful.

The result is that I’ve been taking a slightly more passive role in exercising my activism lately. (A passive activist? Does that make me a passivist? A pacifist passivist?) At the same time, many people have been turning to me for input and advice. So while you may not have seen me at last night’s protest, I did act as a consultant in its planning.  

As a person who is used to being very visible in my activism, this is different for me and at first felt a little strange and somewhat ineffective. But when I saw this, it soothed me, so I shared it on my page and I will share it here again:

As people continue to turn to me for advice, the optimist can’t help to find hope trying its hardest to trickle back in. I can’t ever remember this many people reaching out to me for advice at once before. Something is different this time and not just in my circle of friends. Local authority figures and organizations have never made this many public statements surrounding a Black man’s murder at the hands of the Police before, though there have been countless opportunities. At least 1,000 people marched in last night's local protest even though we've only ever gotten a handful at similar events in the past.

This doesn’t make everything better or my worries for my children dissipate, but it does strengthen me. I embrace my new role as a more behind-the-scenes activist and hope that people continue to reach out to me for advice. I am far from an expert but am happy to share the knowledge I have been able to gain and welcome discussion.

If I were to give general advice on what a person new to the world of anti-racism work could do, I would narrow it down to these five things:

1. VOTE. You hear this one again and again, but can we move it away from lip service please and break it down into how exactly this can be effective? First of all, make sure you are registered and you know how and when to vote (some dates have changed due to the pandemic) Do you want to vote by mail because of COVID concerns? It’s time to figure that out. Now. Most importantly: voting is not going to help if we continue to elect politicians that support white supremacist policies and actions. Use your vote wisely.

2. If you are raising white children, talk to them about race and racial disparities. There are so many resources online to guide you, including this list of book ideas.

Additionally, strive to include books on their bookshelves that include People of Color as main characters and NOT just as heroes in stories of slavery or civil rights. Read books where they are main characters, kids like them whose skin (or gender or abilities) are  a different color than their own.

3. If you are not raising any children, apply all of the above to yourself but swap out the above suggested reading with this list instead.

Not much of a reader? Watch instead. There's so much available online, including Just Mercy which is free this month.

4. Be brave and forthright in your conversations. When I was performing with The Meta Theatre Company we’d hear from white audience members again and again: “I don't speak up because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing.” 

I implored them then and you now to say SOMETHING. Even  “I am not sure what exactly to say here but I know this is wrong, please stop” is a million times better than allowing racist behavior or language to go unchecked. We are all learning how to be effective anti-racists together. We all make mistakes. We must be receptive and willing to learn when People of Color point out our mistakes. We will learn and try harder. We will inspire others to be courageous.

5. "Racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed."

Would you have the courage to film? Do you know how to safely do it? Prepare yourself in advance in case the moment ever comes up. Here's some advice and here's one app to help you do it.

*PLEASE REMEMBER:

I am not Black. 

I am not an anti-racist scholar.

I am a white anti-racist, continually-learning Mother of Black (& white) children. I can only be a sounding board, a stepping stone, a sharer of resources. Thank you for reaching out. Thank your marching. But please now, pick a lane and help us keep things moving in the right direction.

Five on Friday: That Escalated Quickly

Hey friends . . . that escalated quickly, huh? How’s everyone doing out there adjusting to our collective new isolated reality? My family has every privilege and convenience for getting through this and I can still find it completely overwhelming to think about at times.

So, if you know me, you know that means it’s time for some gratitude and maybe a little humor:

1. Oh, these kids! They are doing great so far. I am really, really proud of them. I’m thankful for their willingness to adapt, for their teachers and administrators for making this as smooth as possible on very little notice, for the technology that keeps them real-time learning from their educators and laughing with their friends.

2. "Mom can I have a play date with (insert name of a child who has been terribly mean to my child so I don't know why she wants to be her friend and she most certainly will not ever have a play date with) ?" 

"Sorry, honey, Governor says no play dates"

  

3. Sometimes they go to their rooms for more privacy during class. Sometimes they are too lazy for stairs and then I find ridiculous scenes like this:

4.  I'm also grateful for the many wonderful massive road and camping trips we've taken as a family, I feel like those experiences have really provided for us many tools for spending extended periods of time together, entertaining each other and being resourceful.

5.  Me: "Did you . . . uh, get dressed today or did you sleep in that?"

12-year-old son: "I changed! I put these pants on this morning."

Me: "Okay. Sometimes it's hard to tell with you."

Him: "But I don't have a shirt under this sweatshirt . . . oh yeah and no underwear."

Five on Friday: Our First Week Without the College Freshman Here

Just when I was starting to feel like I was maybe being a little melodramatic about the whole "B going to college five hours away" thing, I started getting messages and real-life hugs from people who'd either done it before or don't look forward to doing it.

Thank you, friends, for indulging me while we adjust. One friend (the amazingly talented Emma Gordon whom I was fortunate enough to share The Moth stage with)  suggested that I try to "Dive, naked into something creative. It’s the only thing I can think of that may help."

I decided to give it a try. Though some of these projects were started before I got her advice, I got to finish them with a renewed cathartic focus.

Here are some of the fun creative projects that have helped me occupy me this week, both at work and at home:

1. A fun day for kids at the Museum at work had me helping kids make turtles:

2. . . . and bracelets (and sheep but I apparently don't have any good pictures of them) :

3. Preparing for the Women's Equality Day March & Festival (local friends: join us!) by making lots of fun activities like this face-in-the-hole thing (is there a better name for these???) that my husband helped me assemble:

4. I appreciate his help and his pointing out that it's not accessible for everyone . . . so this morning I had time to make a hand held face-in-the-hole thing (I haven't thought of a better name for these yet since #3)

5. Lastly, I have made myself a Lucy Stone/Suffragist costume for Sunday but I can't reveal that just yet. However, I can show you this Lifting As We Climb banner I made from scraps:

Five on Friday: Highlights from the Best MLK Day of Service Ever

Monday was the 16th Annual Martin Luther King Day of Community Service that I organize with my mother and our growing team of planners. It started as a few kids coloring bags for Meals on Wheels in my dining room and has grown into hundreds of people gathering to honor Dr. King through community service.

Every year I say it's the best one of ever, but this one really was.

Here are five reasons why:

1. We collected: 800 pounds of food, $500 in supermarket gift cards, a carload of pet food for the animal shelter, bags full of coupons for military families and "we forgot to count but so, so many" boxes of tampons, pads and diapers for local families in need.

2. This sweet little 3-year-old came with flowers. His Mom was buying things from our list to donate and he insisted on flowers. We found someone to give them to who needed some love.

3. We made:  original screen printed tee shirts, letters for soldiers, valentines for veterans, care kits for chemo patients, toiletry kits for the homeless, fleece baby blankets as well as new baby care kits for families in need, utensil kits for mobile soup kitchens, toys for shelter animals, fun packs for hospitalized kids, activity kits for home health care patients, bags for Meals on Wheels recipients, drawings for nursing home residents, birthday boxes for kids in foster care.

Oh, and plenty of new friends.

Birthday Boxes for kids in foster care from Together We Rise: a new activity for us this year that was a big hit.

4. I found in the Valentines for Veterans box and it automatically became my favorite of the year:

Groundhog Day. How could I have forgotten Groundhog Day?

5. As I said earlier, my Mom co-organizes this event with me. Also participating were: my husband, five children, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, best friend and her children, friends I've known since High School, friends I've known for a few years, people I've known from around town for awhile, people I just met recently, friends of friends, people who looked sort of familiar, friends I haven't met yet. 

At one point on Monday I said, "Oh there's another person I have to go say hello to!" A friend of mine (since High School) heard me and remarked, "Today is sort of like a wedding for you."

I love that so much, because it's true. This wonderful, amazing, completely grass roots, so very well-attended day of community service is also a joyful reunion for me. I never could have imagined that after such humble beginnings this is what MLK Day would come to mean for my family and me. My friend saying that it's sort of like a wedding for me might have really made 2019's Day of Service truly the best one ever.

For now.

Five on Friday: Best of 2018

Ah, the end of the year . . . not just a time to set goals for the upcoming year, but it's also a time to look back and reflect on the highlights of the past twelve months.

Looking back, I realize that many good and exciting things happened in 2018. It was hard to narrow it down to the five, so I may have cheated a little.

1. Lots of connecting with family: I twice got to witness my kids' Great Grandmother meeting a grown great-grandchild for the first time. (Technically one happened in 2017, but at the very, very end) Both times were magical, breathtaking and surreal.

Over the summer we also were able to visit extended family from both my husband's and my sides of the family, including playing with fun preschoolers and meeting new babies. 

Also one of the cousins gave my husband and me tattoos that we've been talking about getting for a really long time, which was another highlight of the year. Now I'm really cheating by lumping that in here but it's my blog and I can cheat if I want to.

 2. It was a big year for my oldest daughter and that means, by extension, it was a big year for her mother, too.  She got her driver's license, voted for the first time and applied to college (two acceptances so far!)

3. Early in April, a dream of mine came to fruition when I, along with the Meta Theatre Company, presented What Were You Wearing, a sexual assault survivor art exhibit and theatrical production. It was emotionally draining, soul soothing, heartbreaking and empowering.

4. My story aired on The Moth! As if that wasn't exciting enough, later a video of one of the shows I did was published on Hey, Iris and had over a million views! I'm thinking that's about as famous as I'll ever get. This level of famous comes without paparazzi so I'll take it.

 5.  2018 was the year of the museum! I remembered (and had time for) taking advantage of lots my region has to offer.  I visited museums (mostly art, but also some historical or cultural) in six different cities. 

I know I already made my resolutions last week, but if I'm allowed to add one more it's to keep up the museum trend in 2019.

Five on Friday: Survivor Self-Care this Week

Hey survivors, I feel you this week. I feel your trauma and rage and depression. I feel your readiness to mobilize to action with me.

I feel the need for community and for self care. For me, this means that I am going to do my best to:

1. Get good food, exercise, sleep.

2. Not engage with hateful strangers on the Internet.

3. Take media breaks.

4. Look for ways to laugh.

5. Remember that I can't fix the overwhelming problems of the world and count the work I can do, whether it be a conversation about patriarchy/white supremacy, a performance with Meta Theatre Company or educating myself as much as possible. I can do these things and remember that they make a difference and I can feel proud for my own small impact on my corner of the world.


What are you doing for you?

Five on Friday: Happy It's My Birthday

I thought I was going to feel different by this age. More . . . adult-like. I thought for sure I'd understand things like escrow and and the appeal of The Bridges of Madison County. (I still don't but to be fair I haven't tried reading it again.)

I also thought maybe I'd shed my belief that lying about your age is stupid.  I'll be turning 44 this weekend and not only will I continue to not lie about my age, I'll be happy to tell everyone because:

1. BACK TO AN EVEN NUMBER, BABY! (Apparently I haven't outgrown my weird hatred of odd numbers yet either)

2. Not just any even number but 44! That's half of 88! That's super great! 8 is the best number of all time!

3. I'll be kicking off the birthday celebration with a bang: fasting and blood work! Oh yeah baby, oldish ladies know how to party.

4. I just got an Instant Pot and one of the first recipes I happened across was for Angel Food cake, which is my usual birthday dessert request. I'm taking that as a sign and bought the ingredients.

5. I'll be ending the day in prison and I can't wait. Huh? The inside (incarcerated) half of my social justice theatre troupe has written, produced and directed their own show and will be performing it for the other women in prison. I went through the proper volunteer training so I will be allowed access in to see it. They've worked really hard on every single step of this show. I've known them vicariously for years so meeting them and watching them perform will be a great way to top off my birthday.

Gratuitous baby pic of the birthday girl

Five on Friday: What Were You Wearing Exhibit Opening

From my introduction at last Friday's show . . .

When it happened to Me, too . . . I had some trepidation about telling the Police Officers what I was—or wasn’t—wearing. Because just as I knew that I had every right to be naked in my own bedroom on a hot August night, I also knew that survivors are frequently blamed for their own assaults because of what they were, or weren't, wearing.

I hesitated. 

They never blamed me.

I knew that made me a lucky one, the exception, and as such I’ve always felt a responsibility to speak out on behalf of the others. When I read about the “What WereYou Wearing: Survivor Art Exhibit” at the University of Kansas, I knew I wanted to recreate it in my own community.

With the financial support and donations from many friends, acquaintances and local businesses (including a compassionate cashier at the Salvation Army) my dream began coming to fruition. Ironing, arranging, stapling and translating of signs into Spanish was done by members of the cast. Without their help, this exhibit would not be possible.

As we worked on each story, we never lost sight of the fact that a real person was behind the words and the clothing. The work was emotionally exhausting. I began having nightmares. But we continued, humbled that they would trust us with their words.

Last Friday night we opened our exhibit to the public. After giving them time to peruse the gallery, we performed an original, interactive theatrical piece  that was collaboratively written by our outside and inside (incarcerated) casts. It ended with an open letter entitled "Dear Patriarchy" and audience members were invited to write their own letters to possibly be included in a future show.

 Overall, it was a tremendous success. Here are the top five highlights of the night for today's Five on Friday list:

1. I finally came up with an analogy for how I manage to have time to be so involved in this Social Justice Theatre Troupe when a friend asked me before the show. You know that fable about the frog and the boiling water? Okay, maybe that doesn't conjure up the most positive image, but it's the same idea. If I had tried to get involved at this point, when our Troupe is so active, it'd be like trying to jump into a pot of boiling water. I don't think I could do it. But I was in from the beginning when the pot was cold--so here I am, and tremendously proud, too.

2. Logistically it made sense for my teens to come to the show and my husband to stay home with the younger kids (he'll come to our next performance at the end of the month). I wanted the teens there to help and participate. They did, though my daughter was front and center during the show and my son was a little . . . less obvious in the back. I was glad to have them both there and they were both definitely helpful.

3. On the way home I asked my son what he thought. Not much for heavy discussion, he tried to get away with one-word answers until I told him he'd have to give me some more, like did he learn anything? His answer included, " . . . I learned more about things that have happened to people in Meta but I  feel like I was raised pretty well so, not really" which of course made me feel good as a parent.

4. This (Bandaged heart that can still soar=my symbol for being a survivor of sexual assault) was waiting for me on my nightstand when I went to bed, made by my daughter:

5. We had great feedback from the crowd, student filmmakers interviewing us for their documentary on social justice, a professional photographer (credit to all the pics in this post except the heart above: L.D. Bright Photography) and a great show. Not only that, but the exhibit will be up all month and we get to perform again on the 28th (locals, hit me up if you need details!) 

Five On Friday: How I Spent My Spring Break

Hiking El Yunque rainforest in Puerto Rico . . . APRIL FOOLS! These are just some of the pictures that Facebook's On This Day has been taunting me with this week, from a trip four years ago.

This Spring Break has featured:
1. Only Friday and Monday off for the teenagers as the recent storms/extended power outages closed school unexpectedly last month.
2. Crappy weather.
3. No fun plans

Wait, wait, that's not my list. I'm going to stop right there and tell you what we DID do that's worth noting:

1.  Really enjoyed having Easter fall on April Fools' Day. The, uh, Bunny hid the kids' baskets this year. It extended the morning's festivities and created a lot of fun memories like all 7 of us standing in our small bathroom trying to find one of the baskets (should have been easy, right? Oh but that Bunny is GOOD!) Also, this:

We could probably do this other days, too, right?

2.  Cleaned out the board games and the non-used toys in the boys' room. FEELS SO GOOD.

3. Spent some time on Easter Day looking through my parents' High School yearbooks. I am really into Charm Club and also these two ladies' captions:

4. Got some much-needed kid shoe shopping done and it turned into a super-fun outing, partly because a department store was closing and selling their mannequins. We might have to go back and get one when they're marked down further, the possibilities are endless . . .

5. Got the  Meta Theatre Company's "What Were You Wearing: Survivor Art Exhibit" set up last night and then ran through our show. It's made up of a scene we've only performed once, one that we've performed a few times, two new poems and a brand new open letter to Patriarchy at the end. It all came together beautifully and I can't wait for tonight's Opening Reception!