Five on Friday: Last One About MLK Day (for this year anyway)

I hesitated writing a third Five on Friday list in a row about Martin Luther King Day, but it’s kind of a big deal around here. Seeing how it occupies most of my life, brainpower and dining room for the majority of the month, it only makes sense that it would also dominate my blog.

 

To be completely honest, it also took over a good portion of the living room for a few days.

I’ve already shared with you my tongue-in-cheek tips followed by my genuine pointers for hosting a Day of Service, now I’m going to share some highlights from this year’s event.

 

As overwhelming as it was to plan and prepare for it, it all came together beautifully in the end. I’m not going to lie, some things even went smoother than usual. Even so, I never want to do it this way again. I long for the events of the past, with a room packed full of people and so many hugs. I want that again very badly. But this year’s drive-through Day of Service was terrific! Here are some of my favorite parts:

 

1. People! I'm so grateful for people. People in general for annually reminding me how good we can be. I'm grateful for both people who know me and my event and especially for those who don't for donating money, goods and time. My favorites are always the people who jump right in; especially this year, having no experience with what our event is normally like but still just deciding to go for it. I appreciate them all so much.

2. We tried a few new projects this year that worked out so well, they are already on the list for next year. 

3. The creation of a little new terminology “We’ve got to Tetris this insane number of diaper packages into the back of that Subaru” and a new unit of measurement: “We ended up with three Subarus-full of diaper donations!”

 

Still lots of space in there!

4. Everyone was really good at following instructions on how to complete their projects at home. They even remembered to take pictures and send them to me.

 

 5. The weather!! Someone wanted to know what our inclement weather plan was. I laughed and told her we fly by the seat of our pants on that, 18 years strong now!  Two years ago it was about 20 degrees outside. I felt bad about sending my son and some other teenage boys outside to direct traffic but . . . I still did. We really needed traffic to be directed.

This year I was going to be the outside (along with other volunteers) and I despise being cold. Well lucky me! It was sunny and mild all day! A little breezy at times but really not bad at all. I am pretty sure I was being rewarded for my good deeds. Like instant karma, but in the good direction.

Additionally, I just wanted to share that our motto for this year was "Doing good together while safely apart." I think this picture sums that up beautifully:

 

 

 

Five on Friday: How Easy Community Service Projects for MLK or Any Day

I realize it's probably too late for you to plan an event for Monday. But if you've never hosted an MLK Day of Service before, this might not be the best year to start. (Believe me, the pandemic has really complicated hosting an event that normally fills a church hall.)

The great thing about serving the community is that you can actually do it any time, not only on the third Monday of January. Not only that, but you can do it from the comfort of your own home! No church hall full of people needed.

You don't even need a lot of time or money.

Like Martin Luther King said, you only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.

Here are five free or very inexpensive projects you could do on your own this year or at your very first publicly hosted MLK Day of Service next year:

1. Coloring Meals on Wheels bags: this has been a standard for us every single year since we first started in my dining room eighteen years ago. Check with your local Meals on Wheels office, ours has particular bags to use and guidelines for coloring. (Another great coloring option is Color-A-Smile. It's an organization that collects and distributes drawings to residents of Nursing Home, Troops overseas, and anyone in need of a smile. For coloring pages and more information, please visit ColorASmile.org

2.  Host a Donation Drive: I've actually been doing this seasonally for the local food pantry for the past year. I find out what the food pantry's current specific request are and then I post on Facebook to ask my friends to drop things off in a box on my porch. Et voila! 

*Make sure you ask the organization you're trying to help what they need first, sometimes their answers might surprise you. You could also help an animal shelter (they frequently need old sheets and towels), the United Way (our local one needs diapers frequently) or Women's Shelters (feminine care products can be expensive!)

3. Write a letter! Letters to Strangers is a global youth-run non-profit seeking to destigmatize mental illness and increase access to treatment. For guidelines and instructions, visit LettersToStrangers.org

4. Valentines for Veterans: Using simple craft supplies at home, make valentines and mail them to a VA hospital.

5. Assemble Toiletry Sets for a Shelter: This is a newer project for us and is brilliant in its simplicity. I solicit donations (via social media and public drop boxes) of sample and travel size toiletries. People tend to have a bathroom drawer full of them that they are happy to share. 

Sort the donations into small plastic bags (shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion, etc) We donate these to a shelter that has showers for folks to use but can't provide personal care products for everyone.

 

 

Five on Friday: How to Host a Successful Day of Service

Last year started like any other for us like it always does, with me falling asleep long before the stroke of midnight followed by a cold month with two beloved annual events: visiting the kids’ Great Grandmother for her birthday and then the Annual Martin Luther King Day of Service that I organize.

This event, which started in my dining room, is now so big we reach capacity at the church hall where it is held. Participants come from all over the county and beyond because there aren't many other public days of service around. This prompted me to plan a workshop on how to host a successful day of community service so that others could start them in their own towns.

Then Covid happened.

You can guess how this ended.

Since I never got to hold that workshop, I thought I would at least share my unofficial steps to hosting a successful day of service. (Later I may post real tips, but for now I leave you with this tongue-in-cheek checklist.)

1. Late January: Realize that if I got started earlier next time, maybe I wouldn’t have that crunch time freakout. Write well-thought out reminders and tasks on the calendar, starting in October and adequately spaced out.

2. Early October: Have first reminder pop up. Push snooze. Repeat in late October when the reminder comes back up. Push delete this time.

3. Mid-November: Begin to feel overwhelmed by the impending holidays combined with the thought of planning a day of service even though I literally broke it down into very easy-to-do tasks for myself, some of them literally being as easy as “email so-and-so.”

4. Late December: Commence the real freakout*.

(*this year compounded by "how the hell do I do ^this remotely??")

5. Mid January: Somehow* manage to pull off another successful event. Pat myself on the back. Realize that if I got started earlier next time, maybe I wouldn’t have that crunch time freak out. Write well-thought out reminders and tasks on the calendar, starting in October and adequately spaced out.

*Full disclosure: that "somehow" is made up of many generous donors who fund the event, my co-organizer Mom, my family for dealing with boxes of supplies that take over the house and for helping me sort and move them, the church that I don't even go to letting me use their space, volunteers who help purchase supplies, set up the room, direct traffic, run tables, deliver projects, host bake sales, set up screen printing stations, clean up the room and MORE!!  I absolutely COULD NOT do this without the strength of an entire community behind me.  Hey, I should hold a workshop to teach people how to get to started with this . . .

 

Five on Friday: This Year's Back-to-School "Must Haves"

Just like everyone else, our back-to-school checklist looks a lot different this year. Since none of our kids are going to school in person (at least not yet: the younger three are working towards a hybrid schedule and I really hope they get to get into school, even if for just a week or two), we don't even need to stock up on face masks and sanitizer yet. 

But we still have five students (ages 10-19) starting their school years learning remotely all under one roof. So what are our family's back-to-school "must haves" this year? 

They include:

1. Noise cancelling headphones for the college freshman with a downstairs bedroom, a noisy family and an intense workload.

2. Frozen burritos and packages of ramen noodles for the two college students to have an easy, quick lunch option as well at the illusion of a more regular college experience.

3. A steady stream of easy-to-grab snacks for all five students.

4. Two new desks and sneaky spots to squeeze them into for improved work stations. Last spring's quickly put-together folding table in the family room got the job done but wasn't sustainable.

                                         Wasted space + free desk = learning nook!

5. A Mom who has offered her services to the children to not be entirely at their beck and call, but very willing to help them fetch that snack or burrito, find them a charging cord or refill their water bottles. Because while they may have their nooks and technology and amazing teachers doing the best they can under the circumstances, remote learning just isn't anybody's favorite around here. Since I can't do anything to change the situation, I can grab that granola bar for them.

Five on Friday: Survivor Self-Care this Week

Hey survivors, I feel you this week. I feel your trauma and rage and depression. I feel your readiness to mobilize to action with me.

I feel the need for community and for self care. For me, this means that I am going to do my best to:

1. Get good food, exercise, sleep.

2. Not engage with hateful strangers on the Internet.

3. Take media breaks.

4. Look for ways to laugh.

5. Remember that I can't fix the overwhelming problems of the world and count the work I can do, whether it be a conversation about patriarchy/white supremacy, a performance with Meta Theatre Company or educating myself as much as possible. I can do these things and remember that they make a difference and I can feel proud for my own small impact on my corner of the world.


What are you doing for you?

Five on Friday: Advent Calendar of Good Deeds Version 2016

I had been feeling a little overwhelmed by the idea of creating another Advent Calendar of Good Deeds but after putting some thought into it, realized I could still pull it off but maybe just a little differently this year (read about it here). I shared every day's deed on Instagram but didn't talk about it all that much.

What worked? What didn't? What were the biggest hits?

1. The including "family fun time" days was a great new addition. It took the pressure off of me to make sure we had time or supplies for a good deed that day and ensured that during a super-busy month we spent time together.

2. Including traditions we did anyway (Make a hand print tree and a card holder for example) also worked. Sort of felt like a cop-out, they're not really good deeds after all, but once again they encouraged family togetherness and really helped place value on these traditions that we've created for ourselves.

3. Something we've been doing for years is wrapping presents at a local residential hospital for adults with neurological disabilities. I never expected my children to love this as much as they do. I'm not sure if it's the access to all the tape and ribbon they want or the snack they get at the end but I'm going to pretend it's the satisfaction of knowing they did a good deed.

4. Make a holiday craft or recipe from another culture or country: we didn't really do this one. I got some books from the library but that was the extent of what I had time for. Next year I either need to scrap this one or prepare better.

5. The ones that required no work from Mommy (compliment a friend, help a teacher, etc) might be my favorites and not just because they're easiest for me. I love these ones because they remind my kids that every single day they have a chance to do something nice for someone else. Every day isn't always going to be a "Color A Smile" day but it can always be a "Do or say something nice to someone who hasn't always been nice to you" day.

The Advent Calendar of Good Deeds v. 2016

By the beginning of November, I realized I needed to slow down a little. Volunteer less. Delegate more.

I was spread a little too thin. The five kids (first of all, five kids, okay?) are all starting to have their own clubs and activities which meant more staying on top of carpooling and schedules. The house, the yard. The three local part time jobs, the theatre troupe, the volunteering, the exciting and exhausting traveling and performing with the Moth two times in as many months. 

Juggling was exhausting. I needed to start saying "no." Things would still get done without me. "

And then . . . the election. The devastation, the sorrow, the disbelief with each new appointment and the utter despair at the rise in hate crimes and language, some of it happening entirely too close to home.

There is no way I can slow down now. Maybe I do take on too much, but eventually it all gets done, right? So I can obviously handle it. I have to keep on keeping on, fighting the good fight, being the change I wish to see in the world, speaking my mind even when my voice shakes.

I AM WOMAN, HERE ME ROAR: I CAN DO ALL OF THE THINGS FOR EVERYONE ALL OF THE TIME! I am going to continue saying yes, admittedly with more delegating and asking for help, but I am saying yes.

But oh shit. December starts this week and I’m going to be working (outside of the home) a lot this month, when am I going to get my holiday shopping done? When are we going to get a tree? OH SHIT. December starts this week and I haven’t even thought about our Advent Calendar of Good Deeds.

Maybe I’ll skip it this year.

But the election.

But I'm so tired.

But now more than ever doing good is so important to me, even when I'm tired.

But the lack of time. The upcoming work schedule.

The kids. The example being set. The tradition.

I can’t.

I must.

Maybe there’s another way . . . there has to be another way. Maybe we can do this with a slightly different focus this year. Maybe instead of a good deed every single day (which, while nice for my kids to do, in all honesty requires a good amount of work done by me) we can do a few good deeds. Other days can include lots of holiday-oriented activities to do as a family. We’re pulled in so many directions these days and when we’re all home aren’t necessarily doing things together. We could be making gifts. Baking. Reading. Visiting. Expanding our understanding and compassion by learning about other holidays and cultures.

No, I’m not giving up. I’m not giving in. I’m changing course. Putting on my own oxygen mask first. Speaking up even when my voice shakes--and doing good even when I'm tired. Prioritizing family time. Teaching my children well. This year more than ever.

***

I wrote the above on Sunday and then put "Advent Calendar!" on my to-do list for Monday. Then moved it to Tuesday's list. And then Wednesday's list. Last night after I got the little kids tucked in, even though I was exhausted, I started stitching the little pockets. I actually liked how they were turning out! But then after the sewing machine was put away realized a few weren't sewn properly. I taped them. After I got them hung up, I realized just how many loose threads there were, but the scissors were already put away. I ignored them. This is the Advent Calendar of Good Deeds version 2016.

They look like tiny shopping bags! I love them!

Sewing machine is away. Damn it. Tape to the rescue.

Not perfect. Still sweet.

I'm So Tired of Going to Vigils

My White mother tells a story about how, when she was growing up, she and her Black best friend would scandalize strangers by telling them they were sisters. My younger Black children look to their older White siblings to see why this is funny.

Change does happen, slowly, generationally. Violence frequently accompanies change, we all know that, we’ve all been taught about the many wars and conflicts that have gotten us to where we are today.

But reading about it and watching live-streamed videos of it are entirely different things. Living through it is devastating and worrisome and frightening.  Watching it unfold can make you feel desperate.

I don’t want to watch.

I’m sick of all the deaths.

I’ve cried for so many strangers.

I’m so tired of going to vigils.

But here I am again, a slight reprieve from crying privately, to find some sort of solace in crying publicly. Instead of remaining isolated at home watching the horrific scenes unfold, I choose to make myself a visible proponent of peace. I choose to create opportunity for opening up dialogue with my children, with my neighbors, with strangers. Some I teach, some I learn from. I choose to be a non-violent catalyst for change.

These times are difficult and frightening to live through. But progress does happen. I look forward to one day telling my grandchildren how people used to think that “Black lives matter” meant that other lives didn’t--or that some people felt like they had to choose between only respecting the lives of people of color or the lives of Police Officers.

And my grandchildren won’t understand what I’m talking about.

Getting a hug from my daughter after I spoke. Photo by Peter Murphy

Five on Friday: MLK Day of Community Service (pic heavy)

On Monday I'll be running my 12th Annual MLK Day of Community Service. The first one consisted of kids coloring pictures in my dining room. Now we're outgrowing the gym we've been using for the past nine years. I did not start planning in November like I swear I'm going to do (every damn year) but it's all coming together nicely anyway. For today's Five on Friday, here are some pictures and memories from past Days of Service.

1. I don't have pictures of that first year in my dining room, but this was the second year in a local coffee shop:

 and for comparison purposes, this was last year's event:

2. This is not a great quality picture but this is me directing someone at the 2009 event, baby strapped to me as they were for so many of these days. I hope when my children think back on their Mother as a younger woman, one of the images they conjure is something like this:

3. Did I mention a local Natural Medicine and Rehabilitation Center sends someone to give free five minute massages to adult volunteers? And this year for the second year we'll have free mini-acupuncture sessions too! I can't wait . . . .

4.  Looking through the letters written to soldiers last year, I found very sweet notes like this:

5. And in the pile of Valentines for Veterans, I found this from a boy who mistakenly thought the Valentines were for friends. And that Kristina was spelled like this:

Here's to another successful day filled with community building, serving others, massage and acupuncture, poignancy and hilarity!