Five on Friday: MLK Day #20 in the Books

If you've known or been following me twelve months or longer, then you'll already know about the MLK Day of Community Service that I organize. When I started the event in my dining room, I had absolutely no expectations for growth. I certainly didn't think I'd be hosting it in a church hall two decades later.

Honestly, I almost burned out this year but then my passion was rekindled. Read on . . . 

1. I tried to start planning earlier this year. I really did. I literally wrote "MLK IS EARLY THIS YEAR" on my calendar. 

Would you like to know what date I put that on?

(Actual dates I started planning: in the week after Christmas.)

2. It always just seems so daunting to get started. I'll admit, I even had a fleeting thought that maybe this year would be my last one. As the plans very easily began to fall into place (which frankly does not encourage me to listen to myself about starting early) I reconsidered. I told my husband what I was thinking and he very easily convinced me to continue on for another five years. Twenty-five would be a fine time to hand the reins over to someone else and by then our youngest will be eighteen-- meaning all the kids will have grown up with this annual family community event.

3. In all honesty, I feel like I cut a few corners this year. First in-person event since 2020 and unsure of what the community response would be, starting the planning late and with the thought that it might be my last event . . . I don't know. I can't say my heart was completely in it. But then my Facebook memories began to include photos from previous events (including how we managed to pull it off "drive-through" style TWICE!) and my community donated more money than I asked for to buy supplies and my enthusiasm began returning.

And then the day came and along with it, the reminders of what matters the most about it:

4. The way MLK Day has now become synonymous with community. Children (not just mine) are growing up with the tradition of celebrating the life of Dr. Martin Luther King by giving back. The day itself is part reunion (where folks who only see each other once a year at this event get to catch up while assembling toiletry kits to distribute at the homeless shelter) and part an opportunity to meet new neighbors (while helping children make valentines for seniors and veterans).

5. Most importantly, the impact on the larger community is undeniably positive. Over $6,000 in gift cards and boxes of donations for two local food shelters and a veterans' housing facility collected, activity kits for pediatric hospital patients and homebound seniors created, new baby care kits decorated and assembled for local families, Meals on Wheels bags decorated and more and more and more . . . 

                                         

Here's to at least five more years. Big thanks to my family (particularly my co-organizing mother and husband and my children who are the reason I started and continue doing this but roll their eyes and ask, "Do I have to go this year?"), everyone who donated money so I could buy supplies and all the volunteers who set up tables, ran activities, moved boxes, cleaned up, brought donations and participated! Thank you for helping us to make it a Day On, Not a Day Off  in our little corner of the county for twenty years now!

Five on Friday: What I'd Like You to be Aware of in Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Are you aware of sexual assault? Cool, I guess we can assign some obscure cancer to April’s awareness goals now.

That was fresh. I know they don’t mean “do you know sexual assault exists?” I think it means “Did you know about these aspects of/resources for/nuances about/prevention tips for/little-known facts about/myths surrounding the cause of the month?”

And the truth is, I made a pact with myself long ago to never be silent about my status as a survivor of sexual assault . . . so I should really be glad for the opportunity to talk about it, particularly now when I haven’t had the chance to write, speak or perform on the topic much in the past year or two.

So, what does this survivor  want you to be “aware” of about sexual assault?

1. I personally always have and always will use humor as a coping mechanism. Sometimes it falls flat (see opening sentences, above). Sometimes it makes other people really uncomfortable, which is something I’m always okay with. #sorrynotsorry

2. To every single person who ever told me any variation of “It will be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night for the rest of your life” . . . this has never been true for me. I hope in the past twenty-five plus years, you’ve realized this is not a good thing to say.

3. I look fine. I act fine. I am fine. But sometimes I still get really scared in ways that I was never scared before I was raped.

4. When my fear is done scaring me, it usually makes me angry (see last line above). The anger aftershocks do seem to be subsiding a little as I approach my third decade (!) of this affecting me for the rest of my life. (That's something else I was warned about.)

5. Now for the most important one: You. Know. Survivors. You have met, live next door to, work with, casually know, intimately know and even love survivors of all manners of sexual assault. You might not know this about them, because there is stigma and pain and suppression and secrecy that survivors of other violent crimes do not experience. 

Oh. Right. I guess that's why we need this month, as a free pass for opening up conversation. For permission to normalize talking about sexual assault. Because nearly every time I put myself out there, publicly, as a survivor, I get stealthy requests to talk to another survivor who hasn't told anyone. Who wants to talk, who wants support, who is afraid to ask for it. Who wants to know how to one day move on, to love and enjoy life again. 

Silent survivors: I see you, I believe you, I know you exist in droves. I'm always going to be one of the vocal ones until the day things feel safer for you, even if that means continuing to live in silence of your own choosing.

 

Five on Friday: Last One About MLK Day (for this year anyway)

I hesitated writing a third Five on Friday list in a row about Martin Luther King Day, but it’s kind of a big deal around here. Seeing how it occupies most of my life, brainpower and dining room for the majority of the month, it only makes sense that it would also dominate my blog.

 

To be completely honest, it also took over a good portion of the living room for a few days.

I’ve already shared with you my tongue-in-cheek tips followed by my genuine pointers for hosting a Day of Service, now I’m going to share some highlights from this year’s event.

 

As overwhelming as it was to plan and prepare for it, it all came together beautifully in the end. I’m not going to lie, some things even went smoother than usual. Even so, I never want to do it this way again. I long for the events of the past, with a room packed full of people and so many hugs. I want that again very badly. But this year’s drive-through Day of Service was terrific! Here are some of my favorite parts:

 

1. People! I'm so grateful for people. People in general for annually reminding me how good we can be. I'm grateful for both people who know me and my event and especially for those who don't for donating money, goods and time. My favorites are always the people who jump right in; especially this year, having no experience with what our event is normally like but still just deciding to go for it. I appreciate them all so much.

2. We tried a few new projects this year that worked out so well, they are already on the list for next year. 

3. The creation of a little new terminology “We’ve got to Tetris this insane number of diaper packages into the back of that Subaru” and a new unit of measurement: “We ended up with three Subarus-full of diaper donations!”

 

Still lots of space in there!

4. Everyone was really good at following instructions on how to complete their projects at home. They even remembered to take pictures and send them to me.

 

 5. The weather!! Someone wanted to know what our inclement weather plan was. I laughed and told her we fly by the seat of our pants on that, 18 years strong now!  Two years ago it was about 20 degrees outside. I felt bad about sending my son and some other teenage boys outside to direct traffic but . . . I still did. We really needed traffic to be directed.

This year I was going to be the outside (along with other volunteers) and I despise being cold. Well lucky me! It was sunny and mild all day! A little breezy at times but really not bad at all. I am pretty sure I was being rewarded for my good deeds. Like instant karma, but in the good direction.

Additionally, I just wanted to share that our motto for this year was "Doing good together while safely apart." I think this picture sums that up beautifully:

 

 

 

Five on Friday: How Easy Community Service Projects for MLK or Any Day

I realize it's probably too late for you to plan an event for Monday. But if you've never hosted an MLK Day of Service before, this might not be the best year to start. (Believe me, the pandemic has really complicated hosting an event that normally fills a church hall.)

The great thing about serving the community is that you can actually do it any time, not only on the third Monday of January. Not only that, but you can do it from the comfort of your own home! No church hall full of people needed.

You don't even need a lot of time or money.

Like Martin Luther King said, you only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love.

Here are five free or very inexpensive projects you could do on your own this year or at your very first publicly hosted MLK Day of Service next year:

1. Coloring Meals on Wheels bags: this has been a standard for us every single year since we first started in my dining room eighteen years ago. Check with your local Meals on Wheels office, ours has particular bags to use and guidelines for coloring. (Another great coloring option is Color-A-Smile. It's an organization that collects and distributes drawings to residents of Nursing Home, Troops overseas, and anyone in need of a smile. For coloring pages and more information, please visit ColorASmile.org

2.  Host a Donation Drive: I've actually been doing this seasonally for the local food pantry for the past year. I find out what the food pantry's current specific request are and then I post on Facebook to ask my friends to drop things off in a box on my porch. Et voila! 

*Make sure you ask the organization you're trying to help what they need first, sometimes their answers might surprise you. You could also help an animal shelter (they frequently need old sheets and towels), the United Way (our local one needs diapers frequently) or Women's Shelters (feminine care products can be expensive!)

3. Write a letter! Letters to Strangers is a global youth-run non-profit seeking to destigmatize mental illness and increase access to treatment. For guidelines and instructions, visit LettersToStrangers.org

4. Valentines for Veterans: Using simple craft supplies at home, make valentines and mail them to a VA hospital.

5. Assemble Toiletry Sets for a Shelter: This is a newer project for us and is brilliant in its simplicity. I solicit donations (via social media and public drop boxes) of sample and travel size toiletries. People tend to have a bathroom drawer full of them that they are happy to share. 

Sort the donations into small plastic bags (shampoo, conditioner, soap, lotion, etc) We donate these to a shelter that has showers for folks to use but can't provide personal care products for everyone.

 

 

Five on Friday: How to Host a Successful Day of Service

Last year started like any other for us like it always does, with me falling asleep long before the stroke of midnight followed by a cold month with two beloved annual events: visiting the kids’ Great Grandmother for her birthday and then the Annual Martin Luther King Day of Service that I organize.

This event, which started in my dining room, is now so big we reach capacity at the church hall where it is held. Participants come from all over the county and beyond because there aren't many other public days of service around. This prompted me to plan a workshop on how to host a successful day of community service so that others could start them in their own towns.

Then Covid happened.

You can guess how this ended.

Since I never got to hold that workshop, I thought I would at least share my unofficial steps to hosting a successful day of service. (Later I may post real tips, but for now I leave you with this tongue-in-cheek checklist.)

1. Late January: Realize that if I got started earlier next time, maybe I wouldn’t have that crunch time freakout. Write well-thought out reminders and tasks on the calendar, starting in October and adequately spaced out.

2. Early October: Have first reminder pop up. Push snooze. Repeat in late October when the reminder comes back up. Push delete this time.

3. Mid-November: Begin to feel overwhelmed by the impending holidays combined with the thought of planning a day of service even though I literally broke it down into very easy-to-do tasks for myself, some of them literally being as easy as “email so-and-so.”

4. Late December: Commence the real freakout*.

(*this year compounded by "how the hell do I do ^this remotely??")

5. Mid January: Somehow* manage to pull off another successful event. Pat myself on the back. Realize that if I got started earlier next time, maybe I wouldn’t have that crunch time freak out. Write well-thought out reminders and tasks on the calendar, starting in October and adequately spaced out.

*Full disclosure: that "somehow" is made up of many generous donors who fund the event, my co-organizer Mom, my family for dealing with boxes of supplies that take over the house and for helping me sort and move them, the church that I don't even go to letting me use their space, volunteers who help purchase supplies, set up the room, direct traffic, run tables, deliver projects, host bake sales, set up screen printing stations, clean up the room and MORE!!  I absolutely COULD NOT do this without the strength of an entire community behind me.  Hey, I should hold a workshop to teach people how to get to started with this . . .

 

Five on Friday: Election Dos & Don'ts

1. DO vote no matter what. My god, people, why does this even need to be said? Stop taking this right for granted.

2. DON’T argue the efficacy of mail-in voting; it's been proven to be safe. This also applies to mask-wearing. 

3. DO sing Sister Suffragette while you cast your ballot, whichever way you do it.

Well done, Sister Suffragette!

4. DON’T touch anybody else’s election signs. Believe me, I harbor fantasies about driving down the road with a baseball bat out the window, whacking every Keep America Great* sign I see, but I don’t actually do it**, because it’s illegal, fucking juvenile and does nothing to convince a person to vote like I do. It would probably only strengthen their resolve.

5. DO go to reliable, official state or county sources for information on how to vote in your area (In-person? Ballot dropbox? Mail?) Why are you going to see what some stranger on the Internet has to say about voting . . . ? 

Well, except for my list here. This is all super valid and you should take it to heart.

*Keep America Great? Is that the best you can come up with? Not sure how you haven't noticed that this country is a total shitshow right now. 

**There has been one exception: I peeled a political bumper sticker off of a public street sign and I didn't even charge for my un-vandalizing services because I'm a good citizen.

 

Five on Friday: Advice from a Pacifist Passivist

The last week or two have been hard for an optimist. Well, the last three months have been, really, but the last week or two have taken the cake. Because when you’re an optimist and activist and have two Black boys with ever-increasing height and deepening voices . . . it’s hard to be hopeful.

The result is that I’ve been taking a slightly more passive role in exercising my activism lately. (A passive activist? Does that make me a passivist? A pacifist passivist?) At the same time, many people have been turning to me for input and advice. So while you may not have seen me at last night’s protest, I did act as a consultant in its planning.  

As a person who is used to being very visible in my activism, this is different for me and at first felt a little strange and somewhat ineffective. But when I saw this, it soothed me, so I shared it on my page and I will share it here again:

As people continue to turn to me for advice, the optimist can’t help to find hope trying its hardest to trickle back in. I can’t ever remember this many people reaching out to me for advice at once before. Something is different this time and not just in my circle of friends. Local authority figures and organizations have never made this many public statements surrounding a Black man’s murder at the hands of the Police before, though there have been countless opportunities. At least 1,000 people marched in last night's local protest even though we've only ever gotten a handful at similar events in the past.

This doesn’t make everything better or my worries for my children dissipate, but it does strengthen me. I embrace my new role as a more behind-the-scenes activist and hope that people continue to reach out to me for advice. I am far from an expert but am happy to share the knowledge I have been able to gain and welcome discussion.

If I were to give general advice on what a person new to the world of anti-racism work could do, I would narrow it down to these five things:

1. VOTE. You hear this one again and again, but can we move it away from lip service please and break it down into how exactly this can be effective? First of all, make sure you are registered and you know how and when to vote (some dates have changed due to the pandemic) Do you want to vote by mail because of COVID concerns? It’s time to figure that out. Now. Most importantly: voting is not going to help if we continue to elect politicians that support white supremacist policies and actions. Use your vote wisely.

2. If you are raising white children, talk to them about race and racial disparities. There are so many resources online to guide you, including this list of book ideas.

Additionally, strive to include books on their bookshelves that include People of Color as main characters and NOT just as heroes in stories of slavery or civil rights. Read books where they are main characters, kids like them whose skin (or gender or abilities) are  a different color than their own.

3. If you are not raising any children, apply all of the above to yourself but swap out the above suggested reading with this list instead.

Not much of a reader? Watch instead. There's so much available online, including Just Mercy which is free this month.

4. Be brave and forthright in your conversations. When I was performing with The Meta Theatre Company we’d hear from white audience members again and again: “I don't speak up because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing.” 

I implored them then and you now to say SOMETHING. Even  “I am not sure what exactly to say here but I know this is wrong, please stop” is a million times better than allowing racist behavior or language to go unchecked. We are all learning how to be effective anti-racists together. We all make mistakes. We must be receptive and willing to learn when People of Color point out our mistakes. We will learn and try harder. We will inspire others to be courageous.

5. "Racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed."

Would you have the courage to film? Do you know how to safely do it? Prepare yourself in advance in case the moment ever comes up. Here's some advice and here's one app to help you do it.

*PLEASE REMEMBER:

I am not Black. 

I am not an anti-racist scholar.

I am a white anti-racist, continually-learning Mother of Black (& white) children. I can only be a sounding board, a stepping stone, a sharer of resources. Thank you for reaching out. Thank your marching. But please now, pick a lane and help us keep things moving in the right direction.

Five on Friday: Corona, Corona, Corona!

That’s all anyone is going to be able to talk about for a good long time, isn’t it? Thus I present my second in an undetermined number of posts pertaining to this new way of life.

Today was supposed to be our last day of remote learning. When we were first told we’d be starting and I would think ahead to this day, I imagined we’d be so anxious to get back to school. But here we are, with at least another three weeks of remote learning and it actually feels . . . well, pretty natural. At this time, nobody in our family nor our community has become ill and all I can do is continue to follow the safety protocols, hope that it stays this way, and enjoy the perks that sheltering-in-place has brought to my life.

1. Because they have nobody else to hang out with . . . my teenagers (Fine—young adults. They are 18 and 19 now. D’oh!) have been enjoying each other's company. I, in turn, have been enjoying them enjoying one another.

2. Because we can’t get together in person, I’ve had my first virtual cocktail hour. I miss going out with friends but with everyone's busy schedules it's not always feasible--so I see no reason for this to end, really.

3. Because I love people, love to cook and am a nurturer with time on my hands, I’ve made some meals to surprise some friends who could use a little nurturing right now.  Making people happy makes me happy. I have to remember I can do this even when there isn't a worldwide pandemic.

4.  Because we can't see each other in person and we all need to look out for one another right now, I think I'm staying in closer touch with family and friends than ever before. Nothing like being close to tragedy to remind you to let your loved ones know they are loved.

5. Because we have time, talent, energy, supplies and sometimes get a little stir crazy, we are making art! Fine, in this instance (and most of them) my daughter has shown me off with the talent but I was really getting more than a little bit loopy the day I made these "Super Happy Not-At-All-Stir-Crazy Fun Books" for friends. I think they are both enjoyable:

Prints of her work available for sale here

Five on Friday: Highlights from the Best MLK Day of Service Ever

Monday was the 16th Annual Martin Luther King Day of Community Service that I organize with my mother and our growing team of planners. It started as a few kids coloring bags for Meals on Wheels in my dining room and has grown into hundreds of people gathering to honor Dr. King through community service.

Every year I say it's the best one of ever, but this one really was.

Here are five reasons why:

1. We collected: 800 pounds of food, $500 in supermarket gift cards, a carload of pet food for the animal shelter, bags full of coupons for military families and "we forgot to count but so, so many" boxes of tampons, pads and diapers for local families in need.

2. This sweet little 3-year-old came with flowers. His Mom was buying things from our list to donate and he insisted on flowers. We found someone to give them to who needed some love.

3. We made:  original screen printed tee shirts, letters for soldiers, valentines for veterans, care kits for chemo patients, toiletry kits for the homeless, fleece baby blankets as well as new baby care kits for families in need, utensil kits for mobile soup kitchens, toys for shelter animals, fun packs for hospitalized kids, activity kits for home health care patients, bags for Meals on Wheels recipients, drawings for nursing home residents, birthday boxes for kids in foster care.

Oh, and plenty of new friends.

Birthday Boxes for kids in foster care from Together We Rise: a new activity for us this year that was a big hit.

4. I found in the Valentines for Veterans box and it automatically became my favorite of the year:

Groundhog Day. How could I have forgotten Groundhog Day?

5. As I said earlier, my Mom co-organizes this event with me. Also participating were: my husband, five children, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, best friend and her children, friends I've known since High School, friends I've known for a few years, people I've known from around town for awhile, people I just met recently, friends of friends, people who looked sort of familiar, friends I haven't met yet. 

At one point on Monday I said, "Oh there's another person I have to go say hello to!" A friend of mine (since High School) heard me and remarked, "Today is sort of like a wedding for you."

I love that so much, because it's true. This wonderful, amazing, completely grass roots, so very well-attended day of community service is also a joyful reunion for me. I never could have imagined that after such humble beginnings this is what MLK Day would come to mean for my family and me. My friend saying that it's sort of like a wedding for me might have really made 2019's Day of Service truly the best one ever.

For now.

Five on Friday: Here We Go Again

Didn't I just have to do a little survivor self care last week for Five on Friday? Another week under this Administration means, unsurprisingly, another week of new lows.

Plenty of other things the past two years have upset me, but the mimicking of Dr. Ford by our supposed leader struck a different sort of nerve. I didn't even turn the volume up, the headline and comments were enough to make me feel completely nauseated and defeated. I knew I'd bounce back, I'm resilient, but sometimes I need a minute.

The next morning inspiration popped up on the Motherwell Magazine Instagram page:

This, apparently, was just what I needed

I remembered who the fuck I am. I am a fighter and an activist that refuses to let the bad guys win. I'm the woman that people ask to speak at last-minute vigils for sexual assault survivors and I'm the woman who fucking slays it. I had several people approach me afterwards to tell me how inspiring I was but I don't think any of them realize how inspiring it is for ME to have done it.

Here are five ways how:

1. Being asked to speak inspired me to write, and I know that writing is cathartic for me. In just over 24 hours I was able to write something I felt really good about and then didn't even need my cheat sheet when I had the mike.

2.  A little girl whom I've met a few times was there; I know her parents. She was unsure about holding a votive candle of her own. Ultimately she declined but when other candles were lit she looked like she may have had some regrets. When it was almost my turn to speak, I asked her if she'd like to hold my candle for me. She said yes so I handed it to her and then walked up to the microphone. I was surprised when I realized she had followed me. She stood next to me the entire time. Mini-activists inspire me.

3. Last week I realized that soon it would be the 20th anniversary of Matthew Shephard's death. I wanted to try to organize something but . . . just hadn't. This experience reminded me how easy it is to organize a vigil and connected me to a fellow activist that was willing to collaborate with me. Within 24 hours we secured a location, arranged for speakers, created flyers and an event page. Within 4 hours of the event being made public, the school librarian let me know that an 8th grade girl is doing a National History Day project on Matthew Shepard and would like to be involved. Interestingly, her first name is the same one that my little candle holding friend has. Young activists inspire me.

4. My parents, who have inspired and supported me my entire life, were there.



5. Most of the crowd, though, were strangers whose reactions, comments, and willingness to repeat my refrain at the end of my speech inspired me. 

    

We can become the person that others feel safe to confide in 

by practicing saying this simple phrase: I believe you.

 Say it with me: I believe you.

If we’ve never met before: I believe you.

If I’ve known you for my whole life but never knew this: I believe you.

If I’ve love and trusted and never been harmed by your abuser: I believe you.

If it was one time or multiple times, if you were a child or an adult: I believe you.

If you were sober or dry or drunk or high: I believe you.

If you were walking alone or wearing revealing clothing: I believe you.

If you said yes but then changed your mind: I believe you.

If you’ve never told anyone else before: I believe you.

If you’ve told other people and they said you were lying: I believe you.

If it happened days or decades ago: I believe you. 

Everyone here, I want you to know that I believe you.

And I’ll see you at the polls on November 6^th

Ultimately, I feel like the Supreme Court nomination we're all fighting against, honestly, is going to happen anyway. We can't expect change over (2018 - 1776 x 365 = ) 88,3330 nights, right? (*sarcasm)

But I've seen so many videos of individuals and crowds protesting since Wednesday, so much vocal resistance. I'm completely re-energized by it. Change is happening and we're living through it. It's difficult and at times certainly feels demoralizing, debilitating, defeating . . . but we just need to collectively take a deep breath and remember who the fuck we are.

We're fighters.

Five on Friday: Survivor Self-Care this Week

Hey survivors, I feel you this week. I feel your trauma and rage and depression. I feel your readiness to mobilize to action with me.

I feel the need for community and for self care. For me, this means that I am going to do my best to:

1. Get good food, exercise, sleep.

2. Not engage with hateful strangers on the Internet.

3. Take media breaks.

4. Look for ways to laugh.

5. Remember that I can't fix the overwhelming problems of the world and count the work I can do, whether it be a conversation about patriarchy/white supremacy, a performance with Meta Theatre Company or educating myself as much as possible. I can do these things and remember that they make a difference and I can feel proud for my own small impact on my corner of the world.


What are you doing for you?

Five on Friday: A Little Kindness

For anyone who has ever loved a child,
For anyone who has ever adored a parent,
For anyone who has ever had to leave under the cloak of night,
For anyone who has never had to imagine what that might be like,
For anyone who has a heart . . . . this week's been rough.

I'm particularly feeling a little ache in that Adoptive-Mom-Happy-Sadness part of my heart with each "families belong together" image I see. Because I believe that, I support that 100% but it drives home the fact that three of my children have experienced that loss. Many times I feel like I carry that pain for them until they're ready to acknowledge it. At the same time I know I'll never truly understand what that pain is like . . . this week's been rough.

These are the weeks I try a little harder to notice the good, the kindness, the sweetness and the love around me. For today's list, I'm going to share some of them with you:

1. Boom! Summer is really here and all the things I love about it, too. A gaggle of kids in the yard on the slip and slide. The gardens are tended too and exploding with color. Grandma's church carnival, an annual tradition, had perfect weather this year. Sparklers and ice cream and dirty, dirty feet. It's good for me to take a moment and feel grateful for these things I love so much.

2. We were recently the recipients of extremely generous gifts from two different families in our community that will provide family fun and entertainment for our entire family. Both were complete surprises that will be very enjoyed by all of us. I'm so thankful for both of them.

3. I was paid a wonderful compliment on my parenting by our family doctor the other day. I'm going to pay a wonderful compliment to someone else now when I can because that felt really good.

4.  Truly feeling like part of the community. From bigger things like easily getting kid care and carpools very easily arranged to little things like loaning mayonnaise to neighbors and catching up with my favorite supermarket cashier on her upcoming surgery. It's good to feel connected to the people around you.

5. On my drive to work, I frequently see an older woman who walks with a walker out with her dog. I always notice her and worry that the frisky little pup is going to pull her right over! On my drive home the other day, I saw her in her front yard. The dog was nowhere in sight, but the mailman was there and he was holding her hose, watering her front plants for her. Witnessing kindness, even when I'm not the recipient, really does feel like a salve to my heart. It's good to see people being good, isn't it?

I hope you've witness some kindness, peace and good this week. Now let's get back to fighting for what's right.

Five on Friday: What Were You Wearing Exhibit Opening

From my introduction at last Friday's show . . .

When it happened to Me, too . . . I had some trepidation about telling the Police Officers what I was—or wasn’t—wearing. Because just as I knew that I had every right to be naked in my own bedroom on a hot August night, I also knew that survivors are frequently blamed for their own assaults because of what they were, or weren't, wearing.

I hesitated. 

They never blamed me.

I knew that made me a lucky one, the exception, and as such I’ve always felt a responsibility to speak out on behalf of the others. When I read about the “What WereYou Wearing: Survivor Art Exhibit” at the University of Kansas, I knew I wanted to recreate it in my own community.

With the financial support and donations from many friends, acquaintances and local businesses (including a compassionate cashier at the Salvation Army) my dream began coming to fruition. Ironing, arranging, stapling and translating of signs into Spanish was done by members of the cast. Without their help, this exhibit would not be possible.

As we worked on each story, we never lost sight of the fact that a real person was behind the words and the clothing. The work was emotionally exhausting. I began having nightmares. But we continued, humbled that they would trust us with their words.

Last Friday night we opened our exhibit to the public. After giving them time to peruse the gallery, we performed an original, interactive theatrical piece  that was collaboratively written by our outside and inside (incarcerated) casts. It ended with an open letter entitled "Dear Patriarchy" and audience members were invited to write their own letters to possibly be included in a future show.

 Overall, it was a tremendous success. Here are the top five highlights of the night for today's Five on Friday list:

1. I finally came up with an analogy for how I manage to have time to be so involved in this Social Justice Theatre Troupe when a friend asked me before the show. You know that fable about the frog and the boiling water? Okay, maybe that doesn't conjure up the most positive image, but it's the same idea. If I had tried to get involved at this point, when our Troupe is so active, it'd be like trying to jump into a pot of boiling water. I don't think I could do it. But I was in from the beginning when the pot was cold--so here I am, and tremendously proud, too.

2. Logistically it made sense for my teens to come to the show and my husband to stay home with the younger kids (he'll come to our next performance at the end of the month). I wanted the teens there to help and participate. They did, though my daughter was front and center during the show and my son was a little . . . less obvious in the back. I was glad to have them both there and they were both definitely helpful.

3. On the way home I asked my son what he thought. Not much for heavy discussion, he tried to get away with one-word answers until I told him he'd have to give me some more, like did he learn anything? His answer included, " . . . I learned more about things that have happened to people in Meta but I  feel like I was raised pretty well so, not really" which of course made me feel good as a parent.

4. This (Bandaged heart that can still soar=my symbol for being a survivor of sexual assault) was waiting for me on my nightstand when I went to bed, made by my daughter:

5. We had great feedback from the crowd, student filmmakers interviewing us for their documentary on social justice, a professional photographer (credit to all the pics in this post except the heart above: L.D. Bright Photography) and a great show. Not only that, but the exhibit will be up all month and we get to perform again on the 28th (locals, hit me up if you need details!)