Five on Friday: It's Been Awhile . . . Current Potential Memoir Titles

Let them shenan once, they'll shenanigan. 
Thanks, Carl's Corner in Bethlehem, PA.

Remember when I used to post a new essay every single week? Then I cut it down to a Five on Friday list every week, every two weeks, every month . . . now when I find the time and inspiration it's just kind of a fun surprise for all of us!

I have, in the past, shared titles for memoirs I'll never write that reflect what's going on in my life. The earliest one, from 2014, absolutely brings me back to what it was like having kids aged 4, 7, 9, 13 and 14 at home. The next one, from a year later, illustrates a real transition as all the kids were (finally) in full-day school. There might be another one somewhere but the next I found was from 2022 and reflects a time of only having tweens & teens to parent, no more little ones. 

And now we enter a new stage of only really parenting older kids, having fewer kids at home and the joys of perimenopause. I present to you my current potential memoir titles:

1. Why is There Always So Much Cereal on the Ground?
Questions I Didn’t Think I’d Have to Ask at This Stage of Parenting

2.  They Told Me There'd Be Hot Flashes: I’ll Tell You About the 897, 462, 102 Other Perimenopause Symptoms A Book for Our Daughters

3. Either Teach Me What Your Constantly Changing Slang Means or Stop Making Fun of Me For Not Knowing (Also can we recreate this reel I saw where the Mom asks the kid to define words/phrases from the 80s?) 

4. Dual Hormone Surges: The Cruel Irony of of a Teen Girl and Middle Aged Woman Living Together

5. I Know You Think I’m a Pain in the Ass: The Feeling is Mutual An Open “Tough-Love-Letter” to My Teens

Five on Friday: I am Considering Recanting

I may (definitely) have publicly stated that I am so grateful for these three younger kids having come into our lives for many reasons--a big one being that they extend our time of actively parenting growing children.

Friends, I swear to you that I am *this close* to recanting . . . because these teens are a lot lately.

1. Can you please put your clothes away?

"I did"

2. The clothes aren't bad though compared to a literal BANANA PEEL ON THE FLOOR.

3. The night before his driving test in the morning:

Yes, he has access to the internet and no, his mother
is not a State of New Jersey Department of Motor Vehicles employee.

4. On Wednesday March 5th, she asked if she could join a new activity that started two weeks later. 

Two weeks later, in the morning before she left for school and I left for work and an after-work meeting, she declared that she no longer knew how to use the printer at home.

After a lecture on time management and her swearing it was not two whole weeks ago
 that I asked her to print the forms, I provided receipts. 

5. 

5:30 pm 

Her: I forgot my sleepover bag at R's can you take me to get it?

Me: I just got home and I'm trying to make dinner . . . Dad's still out, ask him. Oh or actually he's going to meeting with her Dad tonight, maybe her Dad can bring it to the meeting. Text R or Dad and work it out.

8:15 pm

Her: Hi Dad do you have my bag?

Him (half deaf, plus she mumbled and he had no idea what she was talking about) What?

Me: (not getting involved)

Her: Ugh never mind. (stomps away)

9:40 pm

(Mom and Dad relaxing)

Her: Can someone take me to go get my bag?

Me: Did you text R before?

Her: She didn't answer.

Me: Did you text Dad then?

Her: (no reply) I need the charger that's in it.

Me: We have other chargers.

Her: I want the shorts that are in it for practice tomorrow.

Me: You have other shorts.

Her: It's literally a mile away why can't you take me?

Me: You should have taken care of this four hours ago.

Her: (stomps away) (and, spoiler alert: SURVIVES)

Five on Friday: Desperately Searching Spring

 

Listen, I have lived in New Jersey my entire life and I am fully aware that we are only into fake spring right now but I am HERE FOR IT. I can't say I'm seeing solid signs of spring but I am looking . . . hard. Sometimes even forcing* it.

Like:

1. Hanging the clothes out on the line: 

2. It's not warm enough for the Vespa yet (at least not for cold-wimpy me) but I was able to break in my new pants!

3. I know other folks near us have seen crocuses blooming but seeing as we live above the county's Magical Weather Line™ we have had no such luck. But they are trying!

Soon, babies, soon!

4. Cooking has begun to migrate back outdoors . . . to be followed soon enough by al fresco dining.      

   

5. *When I say forcing it . . . I really mean more like providing a loving environment to coax and encourage one to become one's fulfilled self. 

Five on Friday: Art & Adventure, Near & Far

I can accept the fact that not every weekend can be an extended one in the Caribbean. Difficult though it may be, it's easier when I remember to seek out art and adventure in my own backyard. Some recent examples of art and adventure, near and far:

1. If you live near me, you should follow what Bex Gallery is up to, we've enjoyed so much amazing local art there. Dan Fenelon's Big Magic exhibit is precisely that--check out the free artist talk coming up on February 7th.

2. On trails behind the high school that we've walked a dozen times, we only just discovered the low ropes course! Plus a little history for the nerd, hooray!

3. A fun interactive moment in the Love, Lust & Marriage tour offered by Historic Bethlehem Museum & Sites. (Followed up by some mofongo, which apparently we don't have to fly to Puerto Rico for, and live music at Godfrey Daniels.)

4. A powerful piece of artwork from the Stay: The Black Women of 19th Century Newark exhibit by Noelle Lorraine Williams at the Newark Museum of Art's Ballantine House.

5. Okay, yes, some scenes of art and adventure from afar, because these will fulfill and sustain me throughout the rest of the cold, cold winter ahead.  

     

Five on Friday: Is That You, Gina?

1.  . . . on those socks? Or those?

Nope and nope but there's got to be a reason both of these were gifted to me.
Resemblance? Message? Both?

2. Okay, fine, nobody's ever asked if that was supposed to be me on my socks. However, someone recently asked if my lapel pin was supposed to be me and I thought that was pretty funny.

3.  . . . on your tattoo? Well, representative of me at least.

4. . . . on those candles? You bet. Probably best homemade gift ever, made by my oldest daughter before she could even drive (I remember she had to enlist the help of others to get supplies!)

5. . . . hosting Scout's Story Slam? Usually yes but this month no! I've got one more week of this miserable weather and then I'll be on my way to the climate I should have been born in (for a few days at least).

Go enjoy Slam without me!

 Let me know how Leah & Nicole do (great, I am sure!)

Five on Friday: To Every Season (turn, turn, turn), There Is A Sport . . .

To most people, the transition from fall to winter is marked by shorter days, colder temperatures and falling leaves.

For a Multi-Sports Mom (MSM) like myself, the transition is from the outdoor sports of soccer and field hockey to the indoor sport of basketball. Though I've been watching basketball for years, there are always things I have to reacquaint myself with during the transition. For example, now that's back to basketball time, I've had to remember that:

1. At home games, there is no just moving to the top row of the bleachers if you forget the folding bleacher seat and want to lean back on the wall. Unfortunately, some ill-placed soundproofing panels* make this impossible. 

2. (*In spite of these panels . . . ) Basketball is fucking LOUD. Besides the cheering being contained inside four walls, the sneakers are squeaky and oh my god the buzzer is unnecessarily loud, long, overused and obnoxious.

3. Basketball is made up of four 8-minute quarters (unlike field hockey's four 15-minute quarters and soccer's two 40-minute halves) but ultimately, a sports minute is still a sports minute. (There is no mathematical equation that I know of to compare real life minutes to sports minutes, I just know sports minutes are always much, much longer than real life minutes.) #IYKYK

4.  When going to basketball, I don't need to pack extra clothes and blankets. (There is an extreme change in the weather from the start of an 80+ sports-minutes long late fall soccer game that starts when the sun is out and ends when the sun is down and it's freezing.)

5. It's comforting to know that no matter what sport it is and no matter how long I've been watching my kids play in it, I still never have any idea what is going on. 

If I'm very, very good and don't complain about how

 loud the buzzer is or how uncomfortable the bleachers are, 

maybe these cheerleaders will come back.

Five on Friday: How Old Are We Now?

The Christmas cards have begun arriving with the yearly updates on how everyone's sciatica is doing and how old their kids are now.  We just send photos, no updates, so if you're wondering, the "kids" are now 24, 22, 18, 16 and 14. As for my husband and me? We are this old:

1. We have now been married for precisely half of our entire lives. WEIRD.

2. (Talking about being married a long time . . . this next statement was made after our trip to the nude beach:) 

Husband: All these naked boobs all around me and all I could look at was that long hair on your chin. 

3.  I have long had stray hairs in odd places, freezing cold hands and feet in bed at night and the inability to make it through the night without a bathroom run. Guess who else is right with me now . . . the old man.

4. I have these two items unironically next to one another on my to-do list:

5. Our 14-year-old was playing a song with explicit lyrics on the kitchen speaker. They were a little too explicit for my husband to feel comfortable with our daughter blasting in the kitchen.

Husband: "Hey Google! Play NSF, um, not suitable for . . . wait, no, play the uh--oh man--the censored, er, the, oh! The radio edit versions of songs from now on."

Google (rolls eyes) : Whatever, Dad. 

Five on Friday: One Year In

As I approached the one-year anniversary of my new career, it's been bittersweet to remember what I was going through last year at this time. I truly loved my last job but I wasn't supported or respected--so much so that I left without having another job lined up. So I spent a few weeks as a lady of leisure before the stars aligned and I landed a local full-time gig.

Having never worked full-time as a parent nor ever having been an Executive Director before, this has been quite the adjustment. I have learned a lot in the last twelve months and I wanted to spend some time today reflecting on these lessons.

1. Pacing myself. This is hard for me--when I have an idea, I want it done yesterday. In reality, there's an event I thought I could have at the museum last spring that now I know I'll be lucky to get done this upcoming spring. 

A lot of people have asked me if the job was what I expected it would be. The truth is, I didn't know what to expect when it came to overseeing twelve buildings on ten acres, regular and seasonal staff and volunteers, school tours, events, programs, etc. Now I know just how much work it is. However, when they ask how it's going, I always stop short at saying "overwhelming" because I have an incredible support system here, and I've embraced:

2. Asking for help and delegating, something I did know how to do before but have been fine-tuning in the past twelve months. How? By paying more attention to asking the right people for help on specific tasks, making sure that volunteers are happy in their tasks, applying the "ask for help and delegate" notion more at home.

3. Feeling comfortable acknowledging that I am still learning. I don't have to be the expert in every area, I can call on others for help and, here's the key part--not feel less than for doing so.

(Recent home conversation with 14-year-old about homework led to my husband saying something like, "Mommy learns something every day." She of course responded, "No she's not" and I was like, "Girrrrrl, I am making this job up as I go along!")

4. Navigating the work-life balance: this has been a little bit of a struggle. Lately though I feel like I have been making strides in this department and I have many ideas for how I can continue to improve this in the upcoming year. 

5. Realizing how much we have achieved: When I started, people kept saying, "I can't wait to see what you'll do there!" I knew I wanted to make changes but I didn't know exactly what they were. That combined with #1 from above sometimes made it feel like it'd be impossible to have anything to show them.

Upon reflection, my team and I really have accomplished a lot together. The earliest changes were internal, so only we knew about them. Now that those are in place it feels really good to have more tangible growth to show the world.

So this week I am taking the time to feel the joy (and pride!) of my first year along with so much gratitude to those who have helped me realize these goals. 

I can't wait to see what we'll do next! 

Five on Friday: Reminders for Self for Successful Meal Planning

Okay, come on now, self, you're not the worst meal planner (You're not the worst! You're the okayest! You've got this!) At least you try?

For real though . . . as long as you remember these key pointers, you can do it.

1. One word: Leftovers.

2. Two words: Rotisserie. Chicken.

3. Three words: Fend. For. Yourselves.

4. Four words: Make. What. They. Like.

Making a big pot of chili to eat for several days sounds like a good idea until one kid says she doesn't like chili and the other says his stomach can't handle it. You know what they like: chicken noodle soup (use that rotisserie chicken carcass up!), pot pie, quiche. Just do yourself a favor and make those.

5. Five words: Cook. And. Prep. On. Sundays.

Remember, self--finding time for
something like this on a Sunday, means
you all eat better all week long.

Five on Friday: Life Hacks for Completely Unsuccessful Meal Planning

Take it from me, the world's okayest meal planner:

1. Plan seven dinners. End up with leftovers and impromptu invitations from friends. 

2. Don't plan seven dinners. Kids will devour everything (leaving no leftovers) and nobody likes you this week. 

3. Dutifully ignore all your early-in-the-week grand ideas for fancy side dishes, making the planning moot and leaving you with vegetables you wonder why you purchased.

4. Assume you'll have time and energy after a full day of work, an appointment and a sports game to cook dinner. 

5. Make every meal a big production instead of remembering the convenience and joys of canned soup, sandwiches, frozen pizza or breakfast for dinner. 

Stay tuned next time when I attempt to remind myself of some actually helpful hints for making sure my family eats at least two real meals a week.

Five on Friday: Now That He's At College

Since our third son has left for college, here are some discoveries I've made:

1. He took our entire supply of kitchen garbage bags. As if he's going to need a brand-new roll and we won't need any here at home.

2. He took the hair gel I use when I retwist his brother's hair every two weeks or so. Which of course I realized when I sat down to do his brother's hair.

3. I have no idea how to cook for only four people.

4. I no longer have a chauffeur for his younger siblings and random errands.

5. I'm not a scientist . . . but I don't think his prefrontal cortex developed much in just a matter of weeks. However, I was happy to find that a little time apart was good for us. He came home for the weekend and let me hug him (!), was pleasant and even asked if there was anything he could do to help.

Silly boy young man--I did want help and
 it involved pulling a gravestone out of the ground!

Five on Friday: Maybe a Pip, But Also Still a Total PITA

Recently I shared with you that our youngest is still a pip. Today I'm here to break the news: I'm pretty sure that being funny is just a defense mechanism because she's not just a pip, she's also frequently a pain in the ass.

Sorry you had to find out this way.

Some recent examples:

1. At the doctor for her recently, the nurse asking intake questions asked if I, Mom, of clearly different race than my daughter, have the same issue (conceivably to determine if it runs in the family). I paused for a moment and said, "I'm not her biological mother." I could see the nurse felt awkward so I kept the conversation moving, mentioning that I have some of her family's health history but not all, etc.

This is when my child elbowed me and whisper-hissed, "Shhh, Mom, stop, you're so embarrassing."

2. 

Fourteen days later: still blank and
she just asked me if I ever bought that lotion she asked for.

3.  On our summer vacation, I told the kids I had some brochures from the lobby and they should take a look and let me know if they'd like to take an excursion. 

Her response: "Mom, don't say that word."

Me, confused: "What's wrong with the word excursion?"

Her, visibly cringing: "Nothing. I just . . . I don't like hearing you say it."

4. She believes it is her natural born right to get professional manicures and pedicures on demand. When she got tired of my refusing to pay for them, the  14-year-old girl with no steady source of income sent this:

5. After not seeing her much for a few days, she came down from her room and approached me where I was sitting on the couch, saying, "Mom, I think I have separation anxiety."

I tried to pull her down to me for a hug saying, "Aw, you miss Mommy!"

Her: "Ugh don't touch me. Can I have an ice pop?"

Me: "Well what did you mean when you said you have separation anxiety?"

Her: "I don't know, I was up in my room and I, like, felt sad. It's like . . . I want to see you but like .  . .  not touch."

Five on Friday: The Third Has Started College

A few weeks ago, we brought our son to college to start his freshman year and I didn't shed a single tear. Why not? Some reasons:

1. This is our third child going off to college. I didn't cry when he got on the kindergarten bus, either.

2. Unlike the first two that chose a college five hours away, this guy is just an hour away. Easy-peasy.

3. Honestly, he's been in that "my prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed yet causing me to make many poor decisions" stage for awhile now. It's completely frustrating but does make it easier for a parent to say "Buh-bye! Have a great time at college! Try to make good decisions!" and then turn around with a dry face.

4. He was enrolled in a summer program that had him at school four days a week for five weeks. It was a really great experience, introduced him to people and the campus and earned him seven credits. It also got us used to not having him here.

5. Maybe the biggest reason is this last one, a story I've shared with many parents sending their first kids off to college:

Fall 2019: We took our first to college. It was hard. I cried.

Spring 2020: She came home for spring break and then finished the year virtually because of the pandemic.

Fall 2020: She started her sophomore year and her brother started his freshman year at the same school . . . but both from home, virtually.

Spring 2021: They got to go back to school. Only one parent was allowed to help them move in, so my husband took them. Our daughter was living alone in a suite and our son was in a hotel room. Their classes were still virtual even though the younger kids had switched to hybrid by then. It wasn't much of a college experience.

Of all the age groups that suffered in different ways from the isolation, I truly felt the worst for my college kids. They should have been living with friends and learning from professors and exploring their new city and learning who they were away from us. But they didn't get the chance to, until . . .

Fall 2022: Both parents were allowed to take them this time. Together we got them settled into new places with friends. We left knowing they'd be starting in-person classes soon . . .  our sophomore's first time at college. I felt so happy for them getting to experience college fully, in the way that they deserved, that I did not cry when we left two kids five hours away.

The moral of the story, bittersweet though it may be, is to remember what an absolute privilege it is to be given the opportunity to go to college. I truly am happy that our third child is  able to take advantage of living on campus, with friends, taking in-person classes and getting to learn who he is without us.

And hopefully that prefrontal cortex develops a little before Thanksgiving break.

Five on Friday: The Youngest is Still a Pip

On our recent vacation, we tried to rank our immediate family members by sense of humor. For me, I know who are at the top and who are the bottom but I can't quite give them individual spots. Hey, we all have good and bad days.

One thing most of us agreed on was that our youngest daughter, age 14, is very funny. This drives the 16- and 18-year olds mad, they think she's not funny at all. We tell them it's not just what she says, it's how she says it and her timing--it's gold.

The boys say I only think she's funny because, on their list of who's funny and not, I am firmly at the bottom. Right above their younger sister.

So I'd like to present some of the things she's said and done lately to make me laugh or smile:

1. While driving around a town with friends, we saw a vape shop. We started commenting about vape flavors and she said, "I think I'll have the Caeser salad vape. You know, to keep it healthy."

2. After voting me more cringey than my friend, second year running, my friend started talking about Moms in general and how they all embarrass their kids but "then you know there's that time when your Mom does something super cool and . . . " This is where my daughter cut in saying, "I haven't experienced that yet."

3.  "I like getting new clothes but trying clothes on takes away from time I could be reading books."

4.  She was upstairs and could smell food so texted me this:

5. We were browsing at a book store and then this conversation randomly happened:

Her: "Mom, if I have a daughter I'm going to name her Pip."

Me: "Pip?

Her: "Short for Pippa."

Me: "That's cute."

Her: "No it's not that name is awful."

Five on Friday: Lost in Translation

We just returned from a lovely vacation in the Dominican Republic where I had the chance to dust off my rusty grasp on the Spanish language. I am aware that sometimes I said things like, "It seems like construction new buildings" and my gracious driver answered me without snickering.

Likewise, I never snickered at any of the native Spanish speakers who spoke English to us.  (Okay fine I laughed a little at the show host who said, "What the help?" instead of "What the hell" but that's because it was funny.)

However, I got a real kick out of the signs with funny translations. Maybe you will, too . . . enjoy:

1.

Pasa means raisin.
It also is a conjugated form of the verb "pasar," which can sometimes mean "happen" 

2.

Nobody wants a bad vacarions.

3.

I can't even try to explain this one.

4. 

Or this one either, honestly.

5. 

But I do know that if you need an Emergency Bottom,
my husband will be happy to oblige.

Five on Friday: Wonderful Water

Our next Story Slam is coming up on July 26th. Last month I had my story written a solid three weeks in advance . . . this time I'm having trouble narrowing down my topic. Right now it's a toss up between the following five potential choices:

1. My first time trying to sail a little Sunfish sail boat in Maine with a girl I met there who was also from New Jersey . . . including the hilarity that ensued when our Dads had to "save" us.

2.  Giving birth in a tub. Spoiler: still hurt like hell. Oh and also, this---

They ask you to buy one of these and bring it along.

3. The time I jumped in a pond in February to save my two-year-old.

4. A brief history of our circa 1787 house and the role the water sources here have played. 

(Say you're a history nerd without saying you're a history nerd . . . )

5. Reservoir memories.

Five on Friday: Summer Bucket List

Our 14-year-old has had a giant illustrated poster of her summer bucket list since March. The other day I asked our 16-year-old what was on his list and he really wasn't sure. I was kind of surprised but then when he asked, "What about you?" . . . I realized I didn't have anything either.

Well that's not true. I had one item: drive Giacomo the Vespa somewhere for an overnight trip but I actually did that already a couple of weeks ago.

There must be something else I want to do, right? 

Of course there is. Like:

1. A second overnight trip on Giacomo.

Why not?

2. Get back to my summer diet of fancy salads and seasonal cocktails).

3. More of this:

(inside our spring house)

4. Visit the Black Shed.

5. Plan & take a family vacation with all seven of us. (I mostly want to do the "taking" part but somebody has to plan it. Chop, chop.)