Five on Friday: AITA?

 If you're not familiar:

What Does AITA Mean?

AITA means "Am I The Asshole?." The abbreviation AITA is widely used on social media with the meaning "Am I The Asshole?".  AITA is used as a question (often rhetorically) when someone is asking for an opinion on whether or not they have behaved badly towards another person.

So, dear reader, I ask . . . AITA because I:

1. Didn't purchase cheese sticks after I asked her in the morning if she wanted anything from the supermarket and she said no.

2. Asked him if he was wearing his brand-new specialty sports socks outside after fifteen years of  trying to instill "shoes off or socks on," purchased the socks he requested and saw him walking around outside in them.

3. Didn't register the injured teen for soccer after asking, "Do you think you might need to be registered anyway if you're still going to go to all the practices and games, like for insurance or something?" and being told, "Coach said no."

4. Suggested that transporting honey in a lunchbox like this might be a bad idea:

5. Cannot even remotely understand her feelings of "secondary embarrassment" when she sees things like a daughter hugging a father in a show she's watching.

Five on Friday: This Summer Was Brought to You by the Letter

. . . as it was made up of:

1. Sports

2. Surgery

3. Sightseeing

4. Story Slams:

5. Salads & Soft Serve

. . . but now it's September. Sigh.

Five on Friday: Win-Win (Win-Win-Win)

It's no secret that I've been needing a break from the home kids lately. (Remember my last post? It hadn't gotten much better since then.) 

I think the combination of summer + a lull in the sports (as much as they make our schedule crazy, they did occupy the kids) + typical teenage disrespect x 3 teens + our son's surgery making it so he can't drive or participate in much all added up to my husband taking them aside and saying, "You guys do realize that Mommy is losing it, right?"

So their trip to Cape Cod with their Aunt & Uncle really could not have come at a better time. It wasn't just a win for me, it was a win all around, providing:

1. A MUCH needed break from the daily demands of parenting three teens (see above).

2. The opportunity for my husband and I to get away for the weekend without them.

What did we do when we were kid-free? Visit our other kids, of course!

It was really nice having a visit with our adult kids, just us adults. We got to have dinner and drinks with them without anyone rolling their eyes at me or telling me how cringey I am. They used manners!

Also, we were able to go to the museum where our oldest daughter gives tours (something that the younger kids would have complained about and ruined for me). She was wonderful and I got to hear her coworkers gush about how amazing she is. It was lovely.

3. We had ice cream for dinner. I had a lovely impromptu birthday party for a friend. I got a nice ride in on the practically neglected Vespa.

4. In the meantime, the kids had a lovely vacation without us, enjoying the beach, kayaking, fishing, mini-golfing, shopping, a shark conservancy visit, a pedicure and lots of dessert.

5. But wait, what do Aunt & Uncle get out of all this? Time with the kids who were surely much nicer to them than they are to me and their father. Our son even cooked on more than one occasion (boot and all).

And that, my friends, is what I call a win-win-win-win-win.

Five on Friday: Teens Я Fun

1.  13-year-old daughter: "I really didn't expect to like this dinner but it was actually pretty good."

2.  Me: "You need to finish your summer math packet for school."

     

    15-year-old son: "No I don't."

3. Me: "Come in with me to pick out the compression stocking the surgeon said you need to wear."

     

    17-year-old son: "Ew. Ew ew ew. Oh my god. NO. Mom. WHY."  

(Fine, he didn't actually say this but his expression conveyed the message loud and clear.)

4. 13-year-old daughter: "OH MY GOD MOM. You are FLIRTING SO MUCH with the waiter." (She then demonstrated what my alleged flirtatious behavior looked like by what I can only describe as having some sort of eyelid seizure.)

5. Remember when I said there'd be a "fuck around and find out" week this summer? Guess what? That week is here! The phones, gaming controllers, television remote and even the computer mouse(!) were confiscated and I wouldn't tell them what chores needed to be done to get these items back. 

In my defense, I've been trying to get them to figure out what needs to be done without me telling them and they have been failing. Also:

"There is literally nothing else to do around here,"
said the 15-year-old when the kitchen looked something like this.

Five on Friday: Thanks for Checking In

As many of you already know, our 17-year-old athlete snapped his Achilles tendon recently. His surgery went very well but he's got a long road of recovery ahead of him. They said he may not be cleared to play sports for 6-9 months (!!!!!).  Emotionally, he's been handling rather well but I have not. The kids can't figure out why I've established a "no joking about this" rule* when "He doesn't even care, Mom, only you do!"

Well, smarties, it's not just me. Here are some of the nice texts, messages and gestures from other people:

1. From my Mom, relaying a message from my 14-year-old nephew:

2. From my 21-year-old son:

3. From my friend (who also happens to be an athlete, but I think she'd feel the same even if she wasn't) :

4. By the virtue of the fact that my son's coach has called me--twice--proves that this is a big deal. In one of our conversations, I was telling him how I seem to be more upset than my son is. I was really looking forward to watching him play his Senior year soccer season; I very much wanted to see him and his brother on the field together again.

"Oh believe me," he said, "We really wanted to see that too."

5.  Lastly, two of our son's good friends baked him a cake. (The arrow is to get you to notice the . . . illustration. It's supposed to be a bloody foot. Kids are so sweet.)

* Okay, fine, I made one joke. Months before this happened, we had scheduled a short trip to meet up with the alleged adults and have a little getaway with all seven of us. This included a visit to an amusement park. I joked that we would have our son in a wheelchair and use him to cut to the front of the line.

To that, he said, "I don't even want to go on any rides." So I said, "That's okay, once we use you to get in the front, we'll leave you parked in the stroller parking area."

(Spoiler: we did not do this and he was a good sport about it all; sat around at the park for awhile and then I took him back to the air conditioned Airbnb.)

Five on Friday: Weekly Theme Summer

Do you want to know how adorable I used to be? Ten plus summers ago, I'd plan out stuff like this:

Not only that, but the kids would do it all . . . without complaint . . . and enjoy it. 

The current teenage residents really just want to be on their screens or maybe go to the mall. They think that I (& my ideas) are all super cringey so it's hard to imagine weekly theme summers now. 

Unless, of course, I completely adapted them. I'm creative! I am sure I could think of PLENTY of weekly themes for my 13, 15 and 17-year-olds at home. I'm sure they will LOVE participating in:

1. Charm School or Who Taught These Children Manners Because They Did a Bad Job Week: Focus will be on using the manners with your parents that we know you use for other adults 

2. SPORTS WEEK! Just kidding, the sports never freaking end over here. But know what goes along with sports week life?

Nothing says "summer evening" like a soccer game, amirite?

2. Appointment Week! More forms for the doctor to fill out for more sports? LOVE IT. Let's make sure to get some specialists in, too: orthopedist, chiropractor . . . could we be so lucky to add surgeon to the list??? Anything is possible in appointment week!

3. Humor Your Parents Week: I don't care how boring or cringey our suggestions are: family walk/hike/bike ride? Connect Four? MUSEUMS? It's ON, baby. Without complaint.

4.  Fuck Around & Find Out Week: in which they continue to disregard my polite requests so the consequences are jacked up. Our motto is: "Confiscating cell phones is just the beginning."

5. DIY Week, also entitled: Ask Not What Your Mother Can Do For You Week: During this week, nobody is allowed to ask Mom for anything. Not a meal, not the location of their own belongings, not a ride. They are also most certainly not allowed to text Mom at work with a question when Dad is at home with them.

Five on Friday: Summer Begins

School's out and I'm overwhelmed by the schedule. Seriously. I've signed the athletes up for so many summer trainings, leagues and camps that I don't even know if any of the dates conflict. They kept throwing links at me and I kept entering my credit card number and I'm just kissing it up to god. I've given up. Succumbed to incessant sports that obey no typical seasons. 

We got back from a weekend away (sports-related, natch) and jumped right into the first full week of no school--which meant basketball camp, weight room training and summer soccer league games. It's totally crazy, but it does keep the boys active and busy . . . now to figure how to keep younger sister occupied (but maybe at not quite the same frenzied pace).

In the meantime, here's how our very early summer is going so far (aside from the athletic insanity):

1. Yes, our weekend getaway was because our boys were both competing in the New Balance Nationals Outdoor Track Meet. Yes, that was quite an honor for them, yes we are really very proud of them both and yes, it was nice to have a mini-vacation with just two out of five kids. But do you know what else was really nice and something we're only able to take advantage of recently? Ditching the kids, even while away, and doing stuff without them.

While the boys were hanging with their friends in the hot sun waiting the eight hours (!!) between events, Daddy-O and I snuck out to a museum that they would have complained about being dragged to anyway.

2. Speaking of getting away without the people you love the most, I've got overnight plans with a friend tomorrow night and I am very much looking forward to it. There will be a pride parade, henna, two museums (take that, kids!) and meals I don't cook.

3. Deer ticks! So many deer ticks. So much time spent trying to determine if you actually have always had a freckle near your toe or does that thing have minuscule legs? Was that a random tickle or was that bug crawling on you? It makes summer fun!

4. Watching a mama bear amble across the yard while two adorable cubs scramble down from the cherry tree* to follow her also makes summer fun as well as infinitely cuter . . . as long as the watching takes place from a safe distance away. Being in between mama bear and said cubs would end up putting a real damper on . . . well, life probably.

5. Lastly and most importantly is that I am the proud inventor of a new summer diet craze! It's called the "I just want an interesting salad and a cocktail for every dinner and I'm a grown-ass woman so that's what I'll have" plan. 

I'm off to a strong start.

Also on my plan this is called potato salad.
You're welcome.

*Postscript: The bears may be a common scene this summer! After that first sighting, they returned yesterday while I was at work. My husband, working from home, literally took his laptop out on the roof so he could continue working while watching mama and two cubs 35-40' up in the tree eating cherries, play fighting, hanging out and napping in our cherry tree for hours.

Five on Friday: Aw, They Still Need Me

Just when it seemed like my kids didn't need me that much anymore:

1. Mom, can you make me an appointment for the __________ (fill in medical specialist)?

2. Ugh, Mom, this is such an ingredient house! 

In our home, unlike in that linked article, the resident children would rather go hungry than actually assemble ingredients into something edible, which means they sit around complaining and eating dry cereal while the food sits around and goes bad. 

So Mom's been food cutting, prepping, assembling a little more than usual (grab-and-go chef salad for lunch, anyone?) A truly magical thing happens--the food gets eaten.

3. Mom, I don't have any ________ (fill in article of clothing) that fits. 

4. Mom, did you sign me up for ________ (fill in one of a million freaking summer sports-related camps, travel and activities)?

 

5. And of course . . . if I weren't here, they wouldn't know what to do when they ran out of room in the dishwasher's utensil basket!

I guess they do still need me! Sniff.