Friday, November 6, 2020

Five on Friday: Anti-Sleep Conspiracy

It has been said, by me, that our four youngest children have their oldest sister to thank for their existences in our family. She tricked us into thinking that babies were easy, partially through her insistence on sleeping through the night by three months old.


The next baby took a solid four years to consistently sleep through the night without waking me with his nightmares about things like being forced to share his Bob the Builder toys. He was completely sleep trained in time for the next infant to come home; a ceremonial passing of the “Let’s Disrupt Mom’s Sleep” baton.


That baton passing continued with the next two babies, the last of whom is now a solid decade old and still occasionally wakes me over night. It’s been a few months now since she’s woken me and I am cautiously optimistic.

 Sometimes she follows my request to just sleep on my floor without bothering me and I wake up to find this next to my bed.

However, with no younger sibling to pass the baton on to, this girl has somehow summoned the Devil to continue the dirty work of disrupting my sleep. You may try to argue that this is an unfounded conspiracy, but how else do you explain:


1. Hearing my heart beat in my ear so loudly it wakes me up


2. Election stress that apparently does not end after Election night


3. Fire alarm going off in the very early morning. For no reason. No smoke. No fire. Just randomly going off. THREE TIMES.


4. Terrible pain in the ear on the side of the my head that I’m leaning on. It passes but not without waking me up first!


5. Monthly, up-to-a-week long PMS insomnia. As I am nearing menopause, why do I get new PMS symptoms? Particularly ones that disrupt my sleep? 


Anti-sleep conspiracy is the only explanation.


*By the way, I wrote the bulk of this entry in my head when I was laying in bed at 3 am unable to sleep. How meta of me.




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