Friday, April 28, 2023

Five on Friday: The Menstruation Song (Otherwise Entitled "Proof That I May Be Im-maturing as I Age")

A few weeks before my birthday, my husband asked if "im-maturing" might be a word because he was pretty sure that was what I was doing. He went on to say he was actually quite surprised that I haven't rewritten the "Diarrhea Song" to be about periods.

"Don't be ridiculous. Period doesn't have the right number of syllables . . . it'd have to be menstruation." 

I actually didn't have any intentions of doing this but then ideas started coming to me. I texted him a few verses and then, because he is im-maturing right along with me, he started sending some back.

Our tween and teens at home wanted nothing to do with this (shocker). So I printed out our verses and brought them to my parents' house on Easter Sunday. I grabbed a colored pencil (red, natch) on  my way out the door so new verses could be added on. 

Isn't this what everyone does on Easter?

The young adults in our family (both offspring and niblings) were more than happy to oblige. It was a true bonding experience.

Here are some favorites. If you enjoy them, you, too, may be showing signs of im-maturing.

1. When you took a stupid chance and you wore white pants. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

2. When you think that it’s all done but it comes back, just for fun. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

3. When you keep that real gross pair as your period underwear. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

4. When you really want to go but you’re stuck home with Aunt Flo. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

5. When you don’t wanna hang with Gramps so you blame on your cramps. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

But wait, there's more! (Did you really think I could limit this to only five??)

6. When you are out wining and dining and begin to shed your lining. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

7, When you know you gotta sneeze so you give your knees a squeeze. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

8. When you’re feeling like the GOAT but then you see the bloat. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

9. When you feel like you’re dying and you don’t know why you’re crying. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Menstruation!

10. When you aren’t really sick but you need the toilet quick. Menstruation! (clap, clap) Diarrhea!! (#iykyk)

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