My oldest kids had an Elmo's World CD that used to be played in heavy rotation around here. It included a song that went like this:
It's so good for you . . .
Exer, exer, exercise!
It's easy to do!
I don't mind exercise but I'll admit, I have a bad attitude when it comes to workout videos. I refer to them as my old lady videos. The one I like the most (or maybe "hate the least" is more accurate) has some good dance music. I tried to assuage myself with that fact but then realized that LL Cool J song they used is a solid thirty years old, placing this video firmly back into old lady territory.
But why the bad attitude, G? First of all, they're just so corny. Aside from that, as I've been realizing more and more lately, is that they piss me off with their focus on weight loss and straight up lies: "Ana Rita has lost 75 lbs using Turbo Jam and her feet never leave the floor!" as the camera zooms in on washboard abs that have clearly never held an additional 75lbs. Stop lying, Chalene! And if you really want to impress me, tell me how many flights of stairs Ana Rita can ascend before getting winded.
As a matter of fact, let's completely stop talking about how great I'll look in a bikini next summer if I follow your regiment. Can we focus instead on any of the other multitude of reasons that exercise is good for a body?
If you want to maintain your status as my least-hated old lady exercise video, I have some suggestions. Why not inspire your at-home old ladies with:
1. Live long enough to be a burden on your children! Turn about is fair play, baby! Let's do another set!
2. Just because that genetic testing said you don't have the marker for colon cancer, they also said sometime shit happens! Don't you want to reduce your chance of getting certain cancers? Push it!
3. Oh really? You like being the last person on every single family hike? Sure you do, boomer. Let's get that heart rate up!!!
4. You know you're too stubborn and impatient to wait for help to move furniture when you want to do it NOW. Let's do another round of squats!
5. Did you remember to refill your blood pressure medication? Exercise lowers your blood pressure AND can help sharpen your mind as you age! Since your memory is pretty shitty already, so you'd better not let it get any worse . . . see you again tomorrow!
|Actual picture of me contemplating sweating to the oldies while Freshman Spanish is happening remotely behind me. #2020|
Post a Comment