Thursday, October 2, 2014

Rocket Math

So, uh . . . you got kids?
Do they go to school?
Are they old enough to have homework? Do they have . . . Rocket Math? Or  Mad Minutes? Or some other kind of name that attempts to disguise a timed (read: stressful for some kids) at-home math test as a super fun game??

If so, you know that Rocket Math means homework for you, too. Two minutes doesn't sound that long but when you're helping multiple kids with homework while trying to cook dinner and get them ready for soccer, it can be a tight squeeze. If it wasn't every single night I wouldn't mind as much.  And I guess when it comes down to it, I'm not the biggest fan of homework anyway, especially for my younger kids. They work hard all day, as made evident by all the papers coming home and how tired my first grader is. After school I really want them to just play, chill, read and generally enjoy themselves.

As I helped my third grader with his Rocket Math last week, I started getting a little punchy and belting out "Rocket Ma-aaa-aath!" to the tune of Elton John's "Rocket Man." Naturally I had to then write lyrics for the entire song (see also: trying to juggle five kids, cook dinner, get ready for soccer. No time for helping with homework but plenty of time for rewriting lyrics. Hey, I know my strengths.)

So if you are an occasionally frustrated homework helper or a homework-doer yourself, cue up this karaoke version of "Rocket Man" and sing along! I'm particularly fond of the last verse, written with some help from my 13 year old.

Mom unpacked my bag last night, after school
Zero hour, four pm
But I wanted to fly my kite right then

I miss my yard so much, I miss my life
Summer was so great
It was such a stress-less time

And I think it’s gonna take a long, long time
To get my homework done so I can find
Time to hang out with my friends and play
Oh no, no, no  . . .
No more rocket math

Rocket Math 

Two minutes never seemed so very long

Math ain’t the kind of thing to teach your kids
In fact, it’s dull as hell
And there’s a calculator on my phone---- anyway
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my class five days a week

No rocket math, no rocket math . . . 


  1. You are so awesome. I too do not have enough time to finish ANYTHING but there's always time to change lyrics!

    As always, never disappointed in your writing.

  2. Baaaah! Elton John in my head singing your words. Love love love it!