Hey kids. Make your Mama happy. Here’s what I’d like from you this school year:
1. No forging of my signature.
2. If you must commit forgery, spell my name correctly, for Pete’s sake.
3. No contact from the Principal unless he’s telling me how great you are.
4. When I go to the middle school, I’d like to be able to look down the hallway and not immediately know which locker belongs to you, G, by seeing the papers spilling out so much that the door won’t shut properly.
5. No crying at preschool drop-off.
And here are my promises to you:
1. If I happen to be driving past the school on a day you’ve forgotten your gym clothes or social studies book, I will drop them off for you.
2. If I am not driving that way, I am not going to go out of my way and you’re going to figure out how to deal with it. I know that doesn’t sound much like I’m doing you a favor but actually I am.
3. Yes I want you to pack your own lunches this year (see also: “doesn’t sound like I'm doing you a favor but I am”) but I promise to try my very best to keep the house well-stocked with yummy and healthy options for you to choose from.
4. I will volunteer in your classes even when it’s a pain to find childcare for your younger sister. They only really ask for classroom volunteers for the younger kids and they're the ones that get a kick out of seeing a parent at school. I am going to take advantage of that.