Stellar parenting (and when I say "stellar" I always mean less than) and strange kids for this week's list, posted with the reminder that correlation is not causation.
1. "I was about to tell you that you're weird for blowing a raspberry on the dog's stomach but that sound came out of your butt, didn't it?"
(Child in question has absolutely blown raspberries on the dog's stomach so it wasn't that odd for me to think that's what was happening. Child in question also farts more than anyone else in this house so it was an easy mistake to make.)
|Honestly, though, I can't argue that the dog doesn't like it. |
She really believes herself to be a human baby and the kids are all happy to oblige.
2. "Mom! Mom . . . this drink bottle is actually COLD from just sitting in my room."
"Yeah but is it frozen?"
"Okay, then we're not actually neglecting you."
4. "Come ON. I have stuff to do. I don't want to sit here and watch you eat cheese."
5. "Oh, pie! Mom, did you make pie? What kind?"
"Apple, strawberry and blueberry."
"Is that . . . a kind of pie?"
"Sure, it's . . . mixed berry."
"Why'd you make it? Is it for us?"
What I said: "Of course it is! Just for a special treat!"
What I thought: "Because you pain in the ass children haven't been eating this fruit and now it's been sitting around a week so looks too weird and wrinkly for anyone to willingly consume so voila! Apple-strawberry-blueberry pie it is!"