If you celebrate Christmas and are still looking for a something to put under the tree for Mom, I'd like to say, on her behalf, what the hell have you been doing for the last 364 days?
I'm sure she understands you've just been so busy with more important things, even after all she's done for you, sniff sniff.
Fear not, though, for I have created a list of gifts that I would love and I'm sure that, really, almost any mother would adore. You should have no problem purchasing any of these items today. Hurry up, though, they might be closing early as it is literally the day before Christmas.
My ideas are:
1. HOMING SCISSORS: Here's a conversation that happened at my house just the other day:
Daddy O: Where are the scissors?
Me: Got me.
Big Sis: Z had them last.
Daddy O: Why don't we have more than one pair of scissors?
Me: WE DID.
Daddy O: Well what happened to them all?
Me: I WISH I KNEW.
|Still life: junk drawer sans les ciseaux|
So at first I was thinking that I'd like some sort of scissors that can only be used if unlocked by fingerprint, like my iPhone. But it's not that I don't want anyone else to use the scissors, I just want them to return the scissors. So homing scissors are clearly the answer!
2. BODY OF MY 20-YEAR-OLD SELF: Not the whole body, just the bladder will do, thanks.
3. SLEEP MICROWAVE: This is an idea I came up with in High School and still don't own, so I've been waiting a long time for this. It's a sleep microwave! Say you only slept four hours one night and really need another three or four hours but literally only have about fifteen minutes to nap. Just climb into the sleep microwave, set the timer for fifteen minutes and go to sleep. You'll wake up as refreshed as if you slept for hours.
4. ADDITIONAL HOURS IN THE DAY: I'll admit, the science on this (and the previous) gift idea may be a little fuzzy but I'm just saying, some days I could really use another hour or two.
In the event that any of the above four are somehow not locally available for purchase, I have one last suggestion which should be simple to make at home:
5. AUTHENTIC HUGS FROM TEENAGERS: Okay, maybe any of the other four choices would be easier . . .
Happy holidays! Go do something nice for someone you love.