Five on Friday: Facts About Current Sleep Deprivation Here

I am 45½-years-old and my youngest child is approaching double digits. I truly believed that the only thing that would be waking me up overnight in this point in my life would be my bladder.

Sadly, this is not the case. While that fact surprises me, there are several cold hard facts that I can always rely on when I am woken up by a child overnight. They include:

1. It will always be our youngest daughter waking me up. Very, very rarely will she wake her father (who sleeps closer to the door, mind you, and she passes on the way to wake me. One time I sleep-mumbled to her, "Go ask Daddy" and she replied, "I can't. He's sleeping.") 

Our oldest daughter started sleeping though the night at 3 months old, which was the beginning in a series of milestones that tricked us into thinking parenting was easy. Two out of three of the boys were extended bad sleepers but grew out of that by age 4 or so, which I expected our youngest to do as well. (I know, I know, I'm hysterical.)

2. If she wakes me up once in a night, there will be a second time. Possibly more, but it is never, ever just once.

3. I will have to go pee every single time she wakes me, even if they are five minutes apart.

4. There is a 75% chance I end up in her bed.

5. The morning after I will sleep "in" until 7:05 or so and it WILL, guaranteed, be one of the days her brothers need help being roused and getting out the door earlier than usual for Jazz Band practice. (Not hyperbole: They have had eight early morning practices so far. The past three times I've overslept due to being woken up overnight by her have ALL been one of these mornings.)

There's a reason why I have to double fist it. And that reason is my youngest child.